


No Sound Without Silence

by ADbLOCK



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, I suck at tags, Love, Revenge, Strangers, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-03-09 10:47:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 35,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3246851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ADbLOCK/pseuds/ADbLOCK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*Previously titled as "Strangers"</p><p>AU Post 4x12 "Heroes and Villains"<br/>Rumpelstiltskin wanted more for his dear Captain. Death was too easy. He wanted him to feel it all, to suffer like he did once. What better way than to use the town line curse to his advantage?</p><p>He did. Killian crossed the town line. He became alone in the wilderness of high-rise buildings and cars. Yet he wasn't going to let the Crocodile win. He had no choice but to live his life without the woman he loves in....</p><p>Weeks after the Snow Queen was defeated, the town was still recovering yet at a fast pace. Nonetheless, Emma realized that someone was missing. She's scared and afraid and angry. Angry at Gold, at the world, at herself. However, she wasn't giving up. She could feel it in her bones that he was out there somewhere and she's determined to find him. And her first stop was....</p><p>New York City.</p><p>    {CaptainSwan and AU. Inspired from "Strangers" by Seven Lions, Myon & Shane 54 feat. Tove Lo}</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First multi-chap fic after so loooong! And first OUAT-themed multi-chap too :) It just popped out of my head while I was on my way to somewhere I forgot and it just haunted me while I made my one-shots. Then suddenly Strangers by Seven Lions, Myon & Shane 54 feat. Tove Lo comes on and I was like "This is so...RIGHT" and yeah I just had to write it down.
> 
> I hope you guys like it! Not much happening in this first chapter though :/

Killian closed his eyes as he felt a tug in his... He would have said 'in his chest' if it wasn't for his heartless state. He knew what it meant. Gold was summoning him.

He let his body do he work. Rumpelstiltskin may have his heart but he didn't have his mind. And he certainly didn't care about a single thing that could happen next. Not now. Not when he just lied straight to _her_ face. Telling her that he had saved the day. Telling her that Gold had turned a new leaf. Telling her in words that felt like his but he knew wasn't his. Nobody knew that. Nobody except her. He hoped.

When she look at him with those sea green eyes full of concern, he felt bad. His mind told him that his chest ached, that tears stung his eyes, that he wanted to just hold her. But he couldn't feel it. He couldn't just _do_ it. He couldn't do anything but just move his mouth to words that weren't his. Then she kissed him. He felt _horrible._ His mind told him he should feel the flutter in his chest, the loud erratic beating of his heart, the intensity of his love. Yet he couldn't. It made him want to just get away from everything. He wanted to shut himself out. He wanted everyone to forget him. He wanted _her_ to forget him, to _hate_ him. He wanted to just _die_.

He felt that tug again. Stronger this time. The Crocodile was persistent as ever. Well, it wasn't like he had a choice but to follow. He walked as fast as he could to get away from the diner, to get away from the people, to get away from _her._

He knew he should be sad. His mind told him so. He couldn't feel it. Not one bit. Yet he knew he was. Sad. Angry. Guilty. _Afraid_. Not of the Dark One. He was certainly not afraid of the imp. He swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat as he watched them disappear into the diner. He was afraid of what would happen. He was afraid of what was to come.

The bell echoed in the seemingly empty shop. He rolled his eyes. Of course, Belle wasn't going to be there. The woman didn't have a single clue with what her husband had been doing and plotting. He felt really bad for her. Her husband was back to his old and evil ways. No. He never changed from the very beginning. He was always the same old Crocodile he loathed.

"How did it go, Captain?" Gold's voice came from behind the shop.

Killian pursed his lips and made his way across the shop, entering Gold's office. God, he wanted to punch that smug look off of his face.

"Let's just get this over with, Crocodile." He glared at the man in front of him.

Rumpelstiltskin smiled. _S_ m _iled._ It made him sick. It made him want to puke. The man was a demon.

"So impatient considering that it's going to be your last."

His body grew tensed. He was never afraid of dying. Even now. But he wasn't ready. Not when he just found his home. Not when he just felt loved and accepted. Not when he just found the woman of his life.

He needed more. He needed more time. More time to make amends with everyone. More time to get to know the town. More time to charm the Queen Snow White. More time to tease Charming. More time to go sailing with Henry. More time to love Emma Swan. More. He wanted more. More.

His eyes flitted back to the monster in front of him and he realized what he was showing him. He just had to push it all down. He couldn't let the demon see. He couldn't let the demon win. He frowned.

"What do you mean?"

A laugh. A laugh that sent chills running down his spine. A laugh that made his stomach dip.

"Oh, don't play dumb with me, Captain. We both know you know what I mean."

Before he could open his mouth to answer back, a puff of smoke surrounded them. He blinked a few times, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the light. He felt a gush of wind and heard the rustling of leaves. Wind. Leaves. They were outside. Just then he became aware of his surroundings.

They were standing in the middle of the road. Tress trailed along the sides of the road, both ends leading to nowhere. He would have said they were nowhere if he didn't know better but he did. And he perfectly knew where they was. His eyes couldn't leave the faint red line that was drawn on the ground. Somehow he knew what was going to happen. What if? What if.

"Don't worry, Captain. We'll be over soon enough and I'm pretty sure you know how this will end."

Killian looked at the man beside him. He roared in laughter. "What happened, Crocodile? Couldn't handle a knife?"

He expected it to hit a nerve. He wanted to taunt him, to lull him into fighting. Yet all he got was a smile. A smile that told him that that wasn't the case.

"Life isn't that easy." Killian felt his stomach dip. He felt a lump forming in his throat. He watched as Gold walked towards the town line. "I wanted to kill you. Take your heart, use it and crush it in my hands. But then I realized that it was too easy."

Rumpelstiltskin turned to look at him with a triumphant look on his face. Killian knew what was coming. He knew it.

"I realized I had to make you feel _it_. The pain, the agony of losing someone because someone took them from you." He looked at him straight in the eye. "Do you know what will happen, Captain, if you cross that line?"

He couldn't stop himself from swallowing the lump forming in his throat. Rumpelstiltskin continued in a cheerful voice as he approached him until he was standing directly in front of him.

"Once you cross that line, you'll never be able to get back in town. Oh, let's not forget the fun part, dearie. You'll remember every thing. Every. Single. Thing. You'll remember that you will never see Storybrooke again and you'll never see Emma Swan in your life."

* * *

"Cheers!"

The four friends emptied their glasses at the same time. The sound of cheering filled the air as they raced to finish their drink. The sound of the first mug was heard seconds after followed by the other three.

"Well, what can I say, mates?" Killian laughed at the three red-faced men.

"You monster!" Tristan roared slapping Killian's back.

Killian slapped him back. "Please, you couldn't handle it."

The words stumbled out of his mouth before he could stop it. Then he suddenly didn't want to drink anymore. Suddenly, he didn't want to stay and laugh at their shallow jokes. Suddenly, he didn't want to do anything anymore. Just to stand up and leave his drunk friends and walk home. Alone.

He shook his head looking at the three giggling men in front of him once more. He should stay because he also left the last time. He promised. And he never goes back on his promise. It's just a few drinks. He could handle it.

He laughed half-heatedly over his friends' jokes. He took little sips of his drink. He smiled forcefully to bar wenches who devoured him with their eyes. That was until one of them walked towards their table. Tall. Slim. Plump lips. Pointy nose. Pale blue eyes, almost green. Blonde hair. But she was not _her._ Her lips weren't as plump as _her_ soft lips. Her nose wasn't as perfect as _her_ _adorable nose_. Her eyes weren't as bright as _her piercing green eyes._ Her hair wasn't as amazing as _her radiant blonde hair._

She was just not _her._

He stood up without a word and walked out of the bar, ignoring the slurred protests of the other three men. It wasn't like they wouldn't have fun if he leaved. He was certain they would start laughing again a few seconds after he left. He tried to focus on getting home as quickly as possible, trying to ignore the images flashing through his mind. Images of Emma Swan and her beautiful face, mind and soul. Each step he took another image popped up in his head. His chest tightened. His eyes stung. His pace quickened.

When he finally reached his apartment, all he wanted was to sleep. To forget about everything. To forget that he couldn't see her again. To forget the pain. And he knew he couldn't do that when this was one of those _nights_ , when everything haunted him. His past. His present. His future. Everything.

Living for months, he had grown accustomed to the lifestyle in this realm. He was aware that the only answer to his problem was pills. Sleeping pills. Reserved for nights such as this. He took one and laid down on his bed, hoping he could rest his mind and soul, hoping he could forget what he did, hoping he could...

_**Emma Swan.** _

A loud voice shouted inside of him. Then darkness clouded over his senses, taking over the images of the blonde woman and pulling him into a deep slumber.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest. There's not much going on in this chapter. Just an idea of what Killian has been through in the first few parts of his journey. As for the Killian's house, it's based on "The Words" music video where he lives on his own somewhere far off the city.

He woke up to the sound of his alarm. The screeching noise felt like needles prickling his brain.

 _Bloody thing_ , he groaned internally before rolling to his side and reaching for the blasted alarm clock. He laid back down and pulled the sheets over his eyes. How could he forget to turn that off again?

Then he remembered last night.

Suddenly all traces of sleep left his mind. Suddenly he was awake. Of course, what in the world could ever take his mind completely? A certain blonde woman who shines like the sun. A product of True Love, daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming. And, _gods above_ , a siren in disguise.

Emma Swan.

Adorable. Alluring. Amazing. The list could go on since there was 25 other letters in the alphabet that could describe this woman. And this woman could and would never be his. Not anymore. He closed his eyes shut, muting out the voice in his head shouting _her_ name, shutting off the images that flashed in his mind of _her_ smile.

When he opened them again, he squinted at the sunlight peaking through the curtains. He was awake anyway and had no plans of sleeping again, so there was no point in staying in bed. It would just make him think of her and he wouldn't want that.

He stood up and stretched his arms. Stifling a yawn, he started making his bed, smoothing out the sheets and puffing his pillows. He headed towards the bathroom, wanting to feel the cold water rolling down his body, wanting the cold water to numb his body, his broken heart. He turned the heat up, throwing his head back to moan in pleasure. The sudden change in temperature sent his mind flying away from the person he didn't want to think of the most.

After, he padded along the wooden floor, walking past the quite spacious living room, too big for one person. In fact, the whole house was too big for one person. When he got to the kitchen, he decided to make himself a sandwich. It was an easy dish that was of this realm, easy enough for him to pick up and to experiment on his own. Plus, he didn't need any wood for that. He sat on the dining table and began eating his sandwich quietly while planning his day. He didn't have any work for the day so maybe he could go out with his friends. Or maybe stay at home and just relax.

He leaned back on his chair, putting the last chunk of the sandwich in his mouth. He sighed as he looked aroud the big space. It was certainly too big for him. Well, it wasn't even his to begin with. He sighed. Maybe he should start the day by cutting some wood then to fuel the stove for future use. He got up and picked up his axe leaning at the corner of the room by the door.

A wind of fresh air blew across him. The smell of morning and grass and flowers surrounding him while he work away with his axe. Just the things he needed to clear his mind. He swung the axe over his shoulder and headed towards the stump by the woods. He shook his head with a small smile. Lucky for him his stump was no more.

* * *

When he crossed the town line, it felt like his body had a mind of its own. It forced him to move, to walk on and never look back. He found he regained control of his body when he was a few good miles away from Storybrooke. And without a map or whatsoever, he absolutely had no idea how to get back to Storybrooke. All he could do was find shelter and food for himself to survive.

He walked and walked and walked. Nothing passed by. No vehicles or cars as they are called. No man. Nothing. He grew tired, so tired. Days passed. He didn't know how long. Yet judging by the way he felt, his head whirred in dizziness, his skin burned by the sun, his muscles moved with pain, his eyes drooped with sleep, his throat dried with thirst, his stomach grumbled in hunger, he knew he looked no better. Many times he wanted to stop. Many times he wanted to just sit down on the gravel road and just wait. Wait for his time to slowly pass by. His steps faltered as the road ahead of him stretched into a snake of gravel lined with emerald trees reaching towards the horizon. He wanted to stop but he couldn't. He just couldn't...

With every step he made, a voice inside him boomed.

_You failed._

He failed everyone in his life.

He thought he had saved Liam. He thought everything was fine but he only made it worst. He listened to that devil Peter Pan about the cure to Dreamshade. Liam Jones died. And Killian Jones died on that same day, on that same ship. A fearsome pirate was born. A pirate who killed people and destroyed lives. A pirate with a bad form. Very bad form. It was only on this lonely journey that he realized he failed Liam.

Bad form for a pirate who stole someone else's wife. He didn't mind at that time. He was a pirate, after all. He had done far worse things than take someone's wife especially when the wife was willing to come with him. If he was strong enough to resist her, he wouldn't have his heart and his soul broken and shattered into pieces. He failed Milah the moment he invited her to join him.

He failed Emma.

He couldn't even protect her. He couldn't even fight the Snow Queen with her side by side. He lied to her saying they would find another way to beat the Snow queen together. He failed her because if he was strong enough Rumpelstiltskin wouldn't have gotten his heart. If he didn't make that deal with the Crocodile, maybe none of this would have happened. If only. If. Only.

He failed himself.

He couldn't stop walking. Somehow, even if he could move on his own, he felt this tugging at his heart urging him to move, urging him to walk on. He realized one day that it was a reminder from Gold. A reminder that he still had his heart. That day everything almost crumbled down. He thought that at least he had himself. That although he couldn't get back to Storybrooke, although he had no one anymore, he had himself. And knowing that he didn't have his heart hit him harder than he thought.

He felt like he was floating as his mind grew hazy. He couldn't think anymore. He couldn't blame Gold anymore. He couldn't blame himself anymore. The anger that grew into self-loathing floated out of his mind. All he could do was walk. Just walk with his shallow breaths and his sore muscles. He didn't know where he was heading to. His eyes searched for anything in the familiar stretch of road in front of him that haunted him since he left Storybrooke.

Time that felt like hours passed by his weak state. He could feel his mind starting to pull him away, away from the light, away from the world. His shoulders grew heavy, his body grew tired, his legs grew stiff. His mind threatened to pull him over to the edge of the cliff and send him tumbling into darkness. The cold and soothing darkness with such peace and serenity.

With one last ounce of strength, he looked forward, towards the sky. Until he saw something. A house... no, a shop. And suddenly life washed over him like fresh air. For what seemed like the longest time, he felt energy coursing through his veins. He felt hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there's not much but I promise it's gonna add up. I'm still trying to make up my mind on the next chapter but don't worry it's all gonna come along.
> 
> Thank you, guys, for your follows and reviews and favorites! Please keep it coming especially your reviews. Because reviews are the fuel to the creative truck in my mind.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was really hard for me because my schedule has been really full this week and I finally had this free day to finish this. Anyway enjoy!

"He tore off the steering wheel and started running around with it in his hands!"

Laughter filled the room. The loudest one was, of course, Leroy's. The dwarf's face was now red. Emma didn't know if it was because of the beer or his stories.

"Then Granny comes running out shouting, 'How dare you say my cooking's disgusting?' ". They all laughed. Mugs clicking against each other in a sin of friendship and good times. At the same time, Granny comes out from the kitchen, giving then a warning look.

"Hey, Granny! How's the crossbow?" Leroy shouted at her jokingly. He was always shouting anyway. Granny just shook her head and laughed along with them.

Emma chuckled. It's amazing how they were joking about what happened during the curse of Shattered Sight broke out when they were **absolutely** furious with each other to the point of almost killing each other.

"They're crazy." David said, causing Emma to turn her attention back to the table.

"David!" Mary Margaret slapped David's arm, giving him a serious look. "Don't say that! Just let them celebrate!"

Emma gave her father a look. "It's a whole lot better than complaining to the sheriff about the damages."

David tilted his head in a sign of agreement. "Point taken."

Henry beamed at them. "But, seriously, Granny with her crossbow? Cool!"

Emma shook her head at her son's words. Teenagers. Just then she realized how fast time moved. It felt like just last week, Henry was still the little 10 year old kid that brought her to Storybrooke. Now looking at the boy sitting beside her all grown up and puberty and all, Emma just couldn't but feel a bit old.

"Speaking of crossbows, can we continue those sword fighting classes, Grandpa?" Henry asked with eyes full of hope.

"Sure." David nodded.

"David!"

"Dad!"

Emma and Mary Margaret shouted at the same time.

"What?" David asked with a bewildered face, looking a bit surprised at the sudden outburst of his wife and daughter.

"It's dangerous!" Mary Margaret argued.

"He's just a kid!" Emma added in.

David smiled sheepishly and held his hands in defeat. "Sorry..."

Henry pouted. "Come on, Mom, Grandma! Shouldn't I be learning this right now so that I can start early? Plus, it can help me defend myself so you won't have to worry about me that much."

Both Emma and Mary Margaret looked at the Henry blankly while David sat beside them grinning at his grandson with pride.

"I hate you, kid. Fine, you win." Emma reached out and ran her fingers through his hair.

Henry groaned and fixed his hair immediately. "No, you don't."

"Of course, I don't." Emma chuckled. "Just be careful."

"Well, I assure you he couldn't be in better hands." David smiled, looking at Henry who was beaming happily at all of them.

At the same time, the door opened and in came Archie with a big smile on his face. Emma smiled at him and returned to David, Mary Margaret and Henry talking and laughing.

Seeing everyone in the diner, made Emma realize something. That she was truly home. She looked as Henry shared one of his stories at school to his grandparents. She could see the joy in David's and Mary Margaret's eyes as they listened intently to Henry who was waving his hands in the air. This was her home and she wouldn't want anything else.

_Well, I assure you he couldn't be in better hands._

Her father's words rang in her head. Somehow it seemed familiar. Somehow it felt like she heard it somewhere.

"Right, Mom?"

Emma blinked a couple of times as all three of them looked at her.

"Huh?"

"I was just telling them how cool it would be if I learned how to fight with two swords like Deadpool." Henry said.

Emma raised an eyebrow at Henry. "Yeah, that would be nice but no."

"Aw, come on, Mom!"

"No swords, kid. It's too dangerous and I don't think we have enough swords here in Storybrooke."

"But, Mom..."

David reached for Henry's wrist. "Actually, Henry I've got to agree with your mother this time. No swords. Not real swords but we can put those wooden swords to use."

After a few minutes of arguments, Henry finally dropped the topic when Ruby came to serve them their desserts. As the night passed by, the diner was filled with laughter and joy despite the chaos that happened hours ago. It felt absolutely weird to Emma. But perhaps, she thought, it was their way to cope with the situation. And maybe because of all the things that happened in Storybrooke, they were just celebrating that they were all safe and the town was peaceful again.

She ate her parfait happily as Henry started one of his stories again. That night, she laughed and smiled a lot that she almost forgot the voice at the back of her head telling her that something, rather _someone,_ was missing.

The ground shook as he readied himself for another chop. _Last one_ , he thought as he raised the axe above his head. He brought the axe down on the piece of wood splitting it in half.

The shaking increased and the faint sound of engines reached his ears. He stood straight and watched as the head of the train peaked out of he trees. He stood there watching the train pass by, almost mesmerized by the blur of blue and silver. He blinked a few times when the train completely passed by. He shook his head. He picked up the wood in his arms and turned back, walking towards the house.

He should be going any minute now, he thought as he set the wood down by the stove. The train served as a great alarm, indeed. Because of that he was almost never late for his deliveries. He had a change of clothes and headed towards the small room at the edge of the house.

He couldn't help but smile as the scent welcomed him. He loved it here. Fragrant scents filling the air. Petals falling on the ground. The sun peaking through the windows. It felt so peaceful, so safe, so _beautiful_. The sight of the little plants made him forget that somewhere on the edge of Maine a certain man was laughing at him. He shook his head and focused at the task on hand. The boxes of flowers waiting to be delivered. He took them and loaded them on his truck. His friend's truck actually.

Tristan. The man was a lifesaver. Literally. The man saved him and he didn't know how he could repay him. He sighed but first he needed to get the flowers delivered.

When he saw the shop, he didn't stop. He had a sudden outburst of strength and he didn't stop until he managed to get a closer look. He was wrong. It wasn't a shop. It was a diner like Granny's. His stomach grumbled in response. He groaned. Days without food and here when he finally had the chance he realized he had no money nor any doubloons. But when he was close enough he saw a woman standing behind the counter and a couple of men eating what would seem awful to Killian if he wasn't as hungry as he was now.

_Kling!_

The woman looked up at him and set down the dishes she was washing. He walked toward the counter. When he opened his mouth to speak, that was when he realized how dry his throat was. And all the weight of days of just walking fell on him. It took almost all of his strength just to open his mouth and speak.

"C-can I have some food?"

As soon as those words left his mouth, the woman's face turned sour.

"Do you have money?" she asked with a judging look, her eyes scanning him from head to toe.

He shook his head. He knew where the conversation was heading.

"I can't help you then." she scowled and returned to washing the dishes.

He sighed. Well, he had to try. He turned around and walked out of the shop leaving the woman muttering something about beggars and failing businesses. He walked out of the shop hopeless and down. Just when he thought, he finally had something. He slid back on the wall beside the entrance sitting on the hot ground with the sun shining fiercely above him.

Well, maybe it wasn't the last step he could take. Maybe he could do something else. He stood up and checked for anyone. He made his way to the back of the shop. The dumpster crossed his mind but, no, he would not try to take food from the dumpster. Not when he knew he could still get some fresh new food. He set his eyes on the door that he assumed led to the kitchen where, hopefully, he could get his share of food.

Slowly, he opened the door peaking inside, checking if anyone was inside. Unfortunately, there was someone. The chef, Killian guesses. Fortunately, the man was snoring like a pig which made things a whole lot easier. He slowly opened the door, hoping it wouldn't make any noise. When he finally got inside, he quickly took the pack of bread that was sitting on one of the shelves. It was the first thing he laid eyes on and it was enough. He wouldn't get anything else because he didn't need to be a man of this realm to understand the state of the diner.

He was about to make his exit when something caught his eye. Lockers. He knew what they where. They were like vaults where people keep their things. He quickly and quietly tiptoed his way towards the room. And almost yelping in joy when he found the lock hanging open. Just his lucky day. He smiled and opened the locker. Without hesitating he grabbed the bag that lay inside the locker and quickly made his exit.

Then and there he decided that maybe he shouldn't let himself rot in the wilderness. Maybe he could still live and maybe one day everything will be well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys still stay with me on this one. It might be a bit long but it's gonna work as long as I have you guys. Cheesy, right? Thank you for your reviews ad faves. :)


	4. Chapter 4

From that moment on, Killian found strength. He found hope. He pressed on. He told himself one day things would get better. Not the best but at least better than his state at the moment. Yet he also knew that he wasn't ever going to get that happy ending. Well, maybe he would be happy but just not with the woman he loved dearly.

His journey became easier. He divided the pack of bread, limiting his consumption to one piece of bread per day. It wasn't much but enough to ease his hunger for the day. And enough to keep him moving on. He couldn't contain his happiness when he saw the woods a few miles away. He welcomed the woods with a change of clothes and a charge of heart.

The bag that he got from the diner proved to be very useful. Clothes, a jug of water, some books and a contraption with blades that Killian was of this world. The clothes were a bit too big for him but he didn't care. No one would care. The water was enough for one drinking but it felt like the best water he had ever drank in his entire life. The contraption would come in handy in the woods. It was small but sharp enough. The books though... maybe some other time. Along the way to the woods, he spotted an old abandoned truck that reminded him of David's. For a long time, he realized how far he was from Storybrooke and how alone he was. He quickly brushed that thought away. And, he realized, for a long time, he was able to sleep on somewhere other than grass. He was able to obtain a map from one of the compartments of the truck.

He vaguely remembered he had seen a sign somewhere in his journey. He had spent half a day just to joggle his mind until he did. He quickly sat up, the grass rustling under his movements. He grabbed the map lying by his side. From there on, he had somewhere to go to. From that day on, he finally had a direction.

* * *

Weeks have passed. To be honest, Emma didn't feel it. She didn't even know until she realized and she remembered.

It was a Saturday morning. David was with Mary Margaret because Neal had a fever the past few days. She knew her mom couldn't sit still and relax without someone by her side. That's why she quickly agreed to her dad's request to manage the office alone for a few hours while he stay with Mary Margaret and baby Neal.

There she was sitting on her office chair, wishing that it would recline more whilst looking at another thing every once in a while. She actually felt like a child who ate too much sweets and couldn't sit straight. Bored was the word. She had already finished the paperwork for today and all she could really do was just wait for phone calls, asking for the sheriff.

Emma sighed and looked at the clock for the thousandth time. A sound echoed across the room and her eyes immediately found the closed door of the sheriff's office. Maybe she was just making that up. She groaned out loud. The room fell into silence again and Emma wanted to break it so bad yet she couldn't.

Because somehow she knew something was wrong. She knew there was something off. Yeah, she was bored as hell. Like after a week full of paperwork, it suddenly tones down and nothing was happening in Storybrooke as of the moment. Not that she was complaining but it just felt wrong.

She tapped her fingers on the table as her eyes scanned the room. She suddenly pictured her parents behind separate bars, holding on to each other's hands with tears in their eyes and fear in their hearts. Anna and Kristoff were saying their goodbyes as Elsa watched them quietly with sad eyes. And there she was holding her baby brother, feeling heavy with the responsibilities she had. Then he came in.

Her eyes widened. She bolt up from her seat.

_Him._

It was _him._

Her chest tightened in guilt. Her head swirled as she realized how stupid and ignorant of her. That was why. After all this time, she had just realized. Her stomach dropped in anxiety and worry. She quickly stood up and grabbed her keys. The police station was going to be closed off early for today.

* * *

"Another song? Last one for the night."

The bar was a bit packed tonight so Killian had to extend. Yet a group of giggling ladies asked for another song and, being the gentleman that he is, he just had to conform. Especially when they actually handed him a few notes together with a piece of paper containing their song request.

He checked his guitar just to make sure it was in tune. He started off with a strum and he started to sing, to serenade the crowd and the ladies who asked for the song. It felt amazing. Music helped him. When he sings, he almost forgets what happened to him. It saved him. Then he realized that it had saved him even he was just a child. He remembered his mother would sing to him when he would have nightmares during his sleep. When his parents died, he remembered the deep voice of his brother humming to him, putting him to sleep. When his crew were still sleeping from their hangover, he remembered the soft voices of the birds singing him to peace.

No one knew he sang. Not anymore. Liam did. And probably his mother did too. But they were gone now. So no one knew that he could sing except these people who didn't care about who this guy in front with the guitar was. His voice wasn't amazing but he knew he was capable. He ended the song and wished everyone a good night or morning, he joked. As he returned his guitar in its bag, the bar returned to its usual business of people laughing a ay and drinking to their health.

He was even fast in learning the instrument. He found it and Tristan taught him how to play. He was able to pick up the steps easily and he couldn't stop playing. He grew to love the songs of this realm. And before he knew it, he was already composing his own songs.

By the time that he finished, it was around 1 in the morning. He quickly got his pay for the night and made his way to his truck. He was lucky to evade his friends or else he wouldn't have been able to return home for the night. Without wasting any time, he was already lying down on his bed as soon as he reached home, ignoring the fact that he almost ate nothing for dinner. He was too sleepy to think of that anyway. He was, however, more than capable of thinking of a blonde woman smiling at him. It happened every night and tonight was no exception. But not long, the image of Emma Swan was swallowed by darkness and he was snoring in deep slumber.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know there's not much dialog happening so far because Killian and Emma are like alone in two separate places. There will definitely be a lot of talking at the middle of the fic. Honestly I don't know how long this will be. Originally, I planned to finish this before 4B but we all know that's not gonna happen anymore. So anyway, just hope I won't get bored when 4B airs. Fingers crossed. Oh, and leaving some reviews and comments would certainly help me not get bored :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, really had a busy schedule and up to now, I still do. Anyhow, I was able to find a free time to finish this chapter. It's a bit longer than usual. Well, I did make you guys wait, right? I also changed the title if you guys noticed from "Strangers" to "No Sound Without Silence".
> 
> Enjoy! Oh, and OUAT is back! :D

_Honk!_

Her eyes snapped open as she yelped out in surprise. She felt sleep clouding her senses but she was awake now. Certainly awake.

She realized she was now sitting in her car. Apparently, she fell asleep and her head just had to fall on the horn. Her heart was beating so fast she just had to close her eyes and calm herself down before looking at her surroundings. Trees. She frowned. What the hell was she doing in the forest?

Of course.

She hadn't realized the time while she was trying to look for him. She must have fallen asleep because she remembered it was close to midnight when she decided to stop for a while. She wiped her eyes and quickly looked for her phone. Completely ignoring the long list of missed calls, she searched for his name and pressed call.

She waited.

She had never been so nervous and afraid over a single phone call. It felt like her heart would jump out of her chest. It was most probably the longest two minutes of her life before the line ended wih a beep. Her hopes were crushed. Tears stung her eyes and this time she didn't try to hide it because no one was around to witness her state. Because what if he was...

_Ring! Ring!_

She ignored it. The ringing ended but after a few seconds, her phone rang again. She sighed and pushed herself to pick up her phone. It was her mom. She ended the call and rested her head against the steering wheel. She had to calm herself down. She couldn't possibly appear like this in front of the townspeople, her eyes swollen and her cheeks wet with tears. Plus, she couldn't jump to conclusions. Not yet.

Her phone rang once more, signaling that she should be going. She revved the engine and reversed the car into the woods.

* * *

When she opened the door to the loft, she found everyone, as in everyone, crowding inside. It sounded like there was a ruckus inside. She heard the noises when she was just climbing the stairs. But when she opened the door, everyone fell silent. Their wide eyes staring at her in surprise and all she could really do was also stare back in surprise.

"Emma!"

And before she knew it, she was almost tackled to the ground in a flurry of arms.

"Woah!"

She almost stumbled if it wasn't for Henry who also ran to her from behind. Her parents were hugging her from her shoulders while Henry was wrapped around her waist. Her heart felt like it was about to burst because this was too much. She looked around and saw the warm eyes of everyone looking at them with smiles on their faces. Too much. Never had she felt this like she belonged, like she was cared for, like she was _loved_ this much. A small smile fell upon her lips because she knew that she was home. _Finally._

As much as she wanted to stay in her loved ones' embrace, she couldn't because someone was missing and she couldn't just leave it that way. Tears were threatening to fall from her eyes. _Because he promised_ , she thought. Everyone was here so might as well use this chance.

She pushed her parents gently giving them a small smile. "I'm fine, Mom, Dad." Both her parents grinned at those last two words. She turned to Henry and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. "Don't worry, kid. I'm not going anywhere."

There was a glint in his eyes and a boyish grin on his face."I know, Mom."

Her heart ached because for a long time she was trying to find herself a place she can call home. And when it was finally in front of her, she had continued to push it away. She regretted it so much but what mattered was now. And now she needed to find him first. Her eyes returned to the people crowding their loft.

"I'm really sorry, guys, for scaring you like that. I'm fine now." she said with a smile on her face. "Thank you, everyone."

"But since you're here now, there's something I need to tell you. Kil-" A pause. "Hook's missing."

* * *

"Whoops!"

His left hand shot out and managed to catch the glass before it fell off the table. Killian sighed in relief as he placed the glass back on the table. Good thing it was already empty. And he had his left hand.

It was the only thing he was thankful for when he crossed the town line. Somehow the curse on the town line returned his hand to him. Probably it was a guise for all the people of this realm. It would be a lot harder for him to move through the city with his hook intact. Who would want to approach a man with a stump, much less a hook? Even Emma called the cops when he showed up on her doorstep.

He paused, his hand frozen in place with a piece of bread.

He gulped and dipped the bread back in the soup. Suddenly he found he lost his appetite. Suddenly he found the book he was reading dull. His eyes landed on his dinner and quickly picked up his bread again. He fought against thinking about anything else. He just needed to finish this because he knew that if he thought about something, it would always lead to _her_. And he didn't want that. You could say that he was running away. Maybe he was but then again, there was nothing to run away from if it couldn't possibly happen ever again.

He sipped the last drops of soup and proceeded to washing the bowl. Every action he did was fast and focused, almost mechanical. But he needed to take his mind of off things, almost desperate. Things in the past. Things that he wouldn't have. Things that he'd _lost._

 _A bath_ , he thought as he placed the bowl back in its place in the cupboard. He needed a bath.

He turned the tap on and adjusted it to the right temperature before pulling his shirt off. Muscles flexing under his movements causing him to groan in pleasure, causing him to want to get into the tub more.

He did and, gods, it was felt utterly amazing. Probably better than sex. Probably. He chuckled. No, of course not. Suddenly images of golden curls adorning pale white skin, sea green eyes blown wide in lust, red plump lips trailing hot kisses down his skin. Her voice _...oh gods_.

His thoughts were interrupted by the too loud sound of water dripping from the faucet. He grumbled and wet his face in an attempt to wake himself from his hazed state. This is gonna be a long bath.

A house. It was miles away over the horizon but he was certain. It was a house. He just hoped someone was living there so that he could ask for some food and probably ask for shelter. Or maybe he also hoped that it was abandoned so that he could start on his own.

No matter. It was a house, nonetheless. He hoisted the bag higher on his back. Somehow it was getting heavier and heavier by the second. He knew it was because he was getting weaker and weaker by the minute. All the more reason to hurry up and get to that small house over there.

Oh, it wasn't small, after all. It was rather big. And very much abandoned. How lucky could he get? Thank the gods above. It had two bedrooms, one kitchen, and one living room. The dining room was beside the kitchen in one room. It looked like it was made for two people. He could picture a newly-wed couple spending their time in the house together, alone and away from the world.

It was dusty but not empty. Pieces of old furniture were left. Some of them were broken, some of them weren't. It was enough for him. He pulled back the curtains and saw that there trees not far from where he was standing. And he got the first thing he needed. Fire.

He left the bag inside the house and he made his way towards the thick cloud of trees. He really didn't have a sword or an axe so all he could find for now were sticks of branches that fell off the trees. Soon enough, he was able to find more than enough for one night. It really was as abandoned as it seems. He may be a pirate but he wasn't a pirate since forever. Starting a fire was easy enough for him. Night was starting to come. The sun was halfway setting down the horizon. He wasn't as afraid though since he already had a fire to warm him through the night.

After resting for a while, he stood and started to explore the place more, trying to find things that he could use and possibly eat. Apparently his stash of bread was finished. He had already eaten the last piece of bread hours ago. If he wanted to survive, he had to find another source of nourishment. The first place to start was the kitchen of course. He started opening the cabinets and drawers. It seemed like it lasted for hours repeatedly opening and closing cabinet doors and drawers, making sure that it was really empty. That was until he saw a flash out of the corner of his eye just before he closed one of the cabinets. He checked, just in case it was just his eyes playing tricks on him. They weren't. It was real.

Like a cat, he quickly grabbed the can and ran toward the fire. _Campbell_ _Cream of Mushroom._ It looked old it may even be rotten but he didn't care. It was a chance he was willing to take because, gods, he was hungry. After putting it over the fire, he grabbed the small contraption with lots of knife (he's going to have to find out the name for that because 'the small contraption with lots of knife' can be very tiring) and flipped out one of the sharp knives. He held it in his hand and buried the tip down on the top of the can. He had no spoon or bowl or whatsoever so what choice did he have but gulp it down from the can? He ignored the can burning into his hand because all he could really do was think of eating. When he finally had the taste of the soup, it was amazing to eat something hot since a very long time. It was very thick but who was he to complain?

When he finished the thick soup, he leaned against one of the furniture facing the open window. Suddenly he felt the weight of the journey he had. He just realized how beaten his body was. All of his muscles ached and felt sore. So much that he didn't think he could sleep that night. He tried to distract himself by looking out the window. That was when he saw the lights. That was when he heard the sound. That was when he felt the shaking of the ground.

_Bloody hell, an earthquake?_

Suddenly he saw a flash of light and silver peaking through the trees. When it left, he was left frozen in shock. What was that? Could it be one of the ghastly contraptions of this realm? Well, he wasn't sure but felt like it was. But that meant... He quickly stood up and got out of the house. He looked at his surroundings. And there. Somewhere, not very far, were million of lights and big towers. Castles? He didn't know but he knew one thing.

He was going to survive, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it sucks that Emma kinda forgot. The story writes itself and the answer to the question, how come she forgot, is going to be answered in the next few chapters. And OUAT! Well, so far it's good and I just wish the diner scene was longer.
> 
> Anyway, please do review and comment. It's really fun to hear from you guys. Thank you! :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for updating so late but our last few weeks were very busy. Even on our last day where we were having last minute quizzes while everyone else was celebrating. It really sucks but since it's already summer, I have a lot of time to write. So I guess I'll just have to post immediately after writing the next chapter, eh?

It took four days before she finally threw in the towel.

After she came back, the searching party that was supposed to be for her changed into a searching party for Killian. Honestly, Emma was surprised that they were all willing to help her find him. She'd always thought the people of Storybrooke didn't care much about him. Somewhere in her mind she thought that they would most probably just ignore that he was gone. He was, after all, a pirate and it wouldn't take some genius to see that they didn't like pirates at all. But then again, he wasn't the same man anymore. He wasn't the old Captain Hook who wreaked havoc anymore. Emma was certain and maybe the people of Storybrooke were starting to notice that too. He was a big help during the worst of times.

She wanted to say that the large size of the searching party was helpful but she would be lying. As much as she hated to say it, they really found nothing that would point to where he went exactly. They would find small clues that would make out a path for them to work on until it just crumbles bringing them back to square one.

Here she was sat in her room. All traces of sleep erased from her mind as her realization sunk in, as her stomach dipped in fear, as her heart shattered in fear. She wouldn't find him ever again. He was gone. The mere thought of it brought tears to her eyes and now that it felt so real...

She wrapped her comforter tightly around her body. He promised that he wouldn't go away. He promised that he wouldn't leave her. Why would he leave her? He told her that he wouldn't hurt her like they all did. He promised her he would win her heart. He was there every step of the way. Always by her side, ready to help her, ready to comfort her. He even gave up his ship for her. They even went on their first date. It was amazing. Everything was amazing. They were both happy. Were they? She was very happy. For so long she had almost forgotten how amazing it was to love someone. But was he? What if he wasn't? Why didn't he tell her? Why? Why did he leave her? Why?

An endless string of questions popped in her mind as her sheets grew wet with her tears, as her hair stuck to her cheeks wet with sweat and tears, as her body curled up in a fetal position. A defense mechanism, as she slowly drew up her broken walls once again, bit by bit.

Time passed, unnoticed by the crying Swan. She could hear the whispers of her parents, the footsteps that would always stop by her door. It brought more tears to her eyes as she hugged her knees tighter against her chest. It felt like it would never stop, this pain, that was until the ground shook heavily like an earthquake. It took every ounce of strength to pull herself away from her misery and look out the window with a confused expression.

What was that?

* * *

He stayed at the house for, what? Days? He couldn't really keep track of the days. Traveling alone on foot in an almost unknown place ruined his sense of time. But to be honest, it didn't really matter to him.

The house was indeed abandoned because in the days that he stayed, no one came by. He only saw those vehicles passing by. No one came and stopped by. So he claimed it his own. The first few days were him cleaning the house. He took off the sheets covering the furniture. He started with the couch which looked a bit new despite the thick layer of dust covering it. Oh, how he missed sleeping on a soft surface. It felt amazing. It was the best sleep he had ever had for what felt like a very long time.

He managed to find another can of soup while he was checking the cabinets on more time. Well, it was dawn when he found the house that time and there was no electricity. He must have overlooked the other can. It would last for maybe three days, he guessed. It would be enough to at least fill his stomach even for a bit.

After cleaning off the dust on the covered furniture, he was off to relax which usually meant staring out the window at the road. Once or twice a car would pass but none would pull over. Somehow it made him relieved yet it also made him frustrated. It meant no one really owned the house. But if someone did stop by, then maybe he could ask for help, for some food and water. One time, he saw something poking out of the bag he had stolen.

Books.

He could, of course, read. In fact, it was one of his hobbies while they were on the sea back when Liam was still the captain. Every time they docked at a new port also meant a new set of books to read for the journey. He found it was a great way to pass time and also a great way to familiarize himself with what was happening to the world. Being out on the sea did tend to pull you out of the world. There were two books. One was "Gardening For Dummies" and the other was "Dictionary of Plants". He frowned. Apparently, the man who owned these planted at his home. Killian shrugged his shoulders. Who was he to complain? At least, he had something to pass the time. As he started to read deeper into the book, he realized that the woods was close by. There might be some plants in the woods that he could eat with the help of book.

A new surge of strength washed over his body. Maybe he had a chance to start over again.

He lasted a few days more. He was able to find some greens and some berries. You wouldn't believe his joy when he found a papaya plant. The fruits were still young but it would ripen soon enough. And fortunately, the gods above have brought him great luck. While he was reading the books, he found a pack of tomato seeds. It was already opened but there were a few seeds left. According to the book, it would take about 2 months for the plant to grow. _All the more reason to start planting now,_ he thought.

Things were going smoothly. His plant started to some out of the soil. The papaya plant he found in the woods was now good for harvest. He was able to clean the rest of the house and moved the rest of the furniture to place. He continued staying on the couch which was small yet very comfortable for his tired body. He couldn't see himself but he knew he was looking better and also feeling better than the days he was traveling on foot. It was very easy to fall into the steady habit of reading, gardening, and hunting for food.

Until one day, he heard a noise from outside. The sound of engines dying down reached his ears. He immediately lowered the book and ran to the window. He saw a man climbed out of his vehicle and walk towards the door. No one came for days and everything was fine now. Fear settled in his heart. Before he could prepare himself, the door opened an there stood a man of average height with brown hair, cut clean at the sides in a barber cut, and flaring green eyes on _his_ doorway, rather the doorway.

"Who are you?" the man asked. He looked around the house with wide eyes. "What did you do to my house?"

The fear and anxiety in his heart grew. So, it was his.

Killian licked his dry lips. "Sir, I apologize for entering your property. I though it was abandoned so I..." His voice trailed off when the man's eyes softened and smiled at him.

"It's alright. No problem. I was just trying to see how you would react." the man said, earning a confused look from Killian. His hand shot out. "I'm Tristan, by the way. Tristan Emerald."

Killian looked at him, eyebrows raised. Well, there was nothing to lose. He reached for the man's hand and gave it a light shake. "Killian Jones."

"Hello, Killian. So let me guess that you're not from around here?"

Killian scratched the back of his ear in his usual manner with an embarrassed smile. "Yes." His eyes followed as the man walked around the house Killian called his for the past few days. He watched as the man checked the cabinets and the rooms with fear in his eyes. What if the man sent him away? He bit his lower lip in anxiety. Hoping with all his heart that...

Suddenly the man looked at him straight in the eye. "You can stay if you want. I can help you and show you around the city, if you want."

He let Kilian stay in the house, saying that he didn't really need the house anymore since he was living in an apartment in the city. Killian wanted to ask more about the size of the house but he didn't want to push it. Every day, Tristan would some food and water. Killian appreciated the hospitality of the man but, of course, he also had pride. Soon he was able to harvest his own fruits and vegetables. Tristan offered to show Killian around the city and eventually found out that Killian knew very little about the modern day inventions, giving Killian a look like he was a madman. Nevertheless, he explained everything to Killian like a child learning his first words. He answered every question Killian had thrown at him until he grew tired and introduced Google to his friend.

His friend. Killian owed his life to his friend. If it wasn't for him, he would be dead. If it wasn't for him, he would have given the Crocodile an easy win.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the best of my writing. I guess I'm still having a bit of a hangover from school work. Anyway let me know what you think. Please stick with me on this one! Thank you so much guys! :)


	7. Chapter 7

For the last time, Killian checked the flowers for his delivery the next day. The flower shop requested more than the usual so he had to tend to more flowers and make sure they were well taken care of. He went out of his workplace with a satisfied smile when he found all of them healthy and blooming. He took a quick shower, getting ready for his gig for tonight. Dinner was almost ready. He made pasta with some of the ingredients left in his fridge. It might taste bad but, whatever, only he could know how bad it would taste.

_Ding dong!_

He stopped in his tracks and raised an eyebrow in surprise. People rarely visit him since his house was miles away from he city. The only people who would come over were his friends which weren't much and he knew were busy with their own businesses. He took out the pan from the fire and set it on the table beside so that it wouldn't burn. He wiped his hands and opened the door.

"Tristan!"

"Killian!"

"What are you doing here?" he asked with a shocked face as Tristan walked into the house.

Tristan made a face at him. "Why? Can't a man visit his friend?"

Killian frowned. "What? It's not like I said I didn't want you here."

Tristan shrugged his shoulders and flopped down on his couch. Not that he minded. Killian pouted jokingly at his friend who gave him a big grin. He laughed before getting back to his pasta.

"Would you like something to eat, mate? I made pasta." he called out from the kitchen.

He heard Tristan's voice call out from the living room. "Sure."

He placed the pan on the stove again. The pasta would be ready soon. He took out 3 plates and 2 sets of utensils from the cupboard. He placed them on the table behind him. When the pasta was cooked, he called his friend who was waiting for him outside.

"Food's ready, mate!" he said pulling out a chair for himself.

He waited for an answer and cocked his eyebrow when he received none. "Tristan?" he called for his friend once again and all that answered him was silence. He got up from his seat and walked out of the kitchen to check on his friend.

He frowned at the empty couch. "What are you playing at, mate?" Anxiety settled in his heart. Something felt wrong here. Incredibly wrong. He didn't want to think about since it was Tristan he was talking about. Yet he couldn't doubt that something was wrong. Before he could do anything more, pain shot through the back of his head. He was able to twist his body and look at his attacker. There was only one person who entered the house. He didn't want to believe it though. He needed to see it for himself who did it though he knew who it was going to be. Just as he said, there was only one person who could have done it.

Time slowed down as he fought hard to open his eyes. He saw a blur of brown hair and apologetic green eyes cutting through the haze. "Sorry, Killian. I have to do this." Tristan's voice echoing in his head before his back and head hit the ground and darkness covered his eyes.

Why?

* * *

Her body pulled her back down to her bed yet her mind shouted at her to stand up. She was the sheriff and it was her job to protect the people of Storybrooke. If anything weird happens, then she must be there. She wiped the tears from her swollen eyes and went out of the room for so long.  
"Emma!" she heard her mother shout as everyone in the room - Snow, David, and Henry-stopped doing whatever it was they were doing.

"Mom!" Henry ran towards her and pulled into a hug. He was really growing fast, now up to her shoulders. It put on a small smile on her lips.

She suddenly felt a hand on her arm. "Are you alright, Emma?" her mother asked her with her father standing beside her, worry and fear in their eyes. "I mean, David and I can..."

"We can check it out. Henry can stay here with you." David added.

Emma looked at her son who was about to protest but shut his mouth quickly and smiled at her softly. She shook her head. Poor kid. "No. I'm the sheriff. I should do this."

"Are you sure?" Snow asked, looking at David for help.

"Your mother and I can handle it." he reassured her.

She shook her head, running her hand across her son's brown hair. "It's okay. This is my job. I can do this." She looked at both her parents. After sharing a few looks, they finally agreed and let her go. As soon as they got out to the streets, Leroy was running toward them shouting at the top of his lungs.

"Emergency! Emergency!"

Emma raised an eyebrow. "Yes, we know that." she said before Leroy could open his mouth. "Okay, gather everyone at the city hall for a town meeting. It's easier to manage everyone that way."

"Safer too." Henry flashed a smile at her.

She pat his head in a smile. "That's right, kid."

They all waited as everyone who was waiting outside to find their own seats. And Emma never thought that it was going to be this hard. She tried hard, as in really hard, not to think about anything else but getting everyone else into the hall because she knew that one slip would lead to a chain of reactions. It was really difficult for her especially when some people ask her of...

She quickly focused on the blur of people scurrying by her greeting them occasionally, trying to get herself as busy as possible. She knew her mother was worried for her because she had been asking her a couple of times now to rest for a while. Yes, she was tired but, nope, she wasn't going to stop. If she did, it would only make her more tired because, honestly, she was more tired than ever. Finally, when everyone was in, relief washed over her because it seemed that everyone was safe. She made her way to the stage without a word until she felt a hand (that strongly told her was David) on her shoulder. She was, of course, correct. He offered to talk instead. To which she refused telling him that it was her job because it really was, wasn't it?

"First of all, everyone's safe. Second, we don't know yet if that was natural but we all know it might also be not. So we need everyone to calm down for the time being and stay in the hall as we sort this out." Shouts of protests shot out through the crowd which she perfectly knew would happen. "I know you're all not keen on the idea of staying here and leaving your houses. But you also need to consider the fact that you're safer here. We have food supplies here and we can cast some enchantment spell to further protect everyone from whatever this is."

That seemed to do the trick because everyone quieted down and she saw a couple of people nod at her words. "Okay, since we have nowhere to start, anyone saw anything particularly unusual?" _Not that this town was that normal anyway,_ she wanted to add.

A hand shot up in the air. A man she didn't recognize stood up. She aw him a couple of times at the Rabbit Hole but she never knew his name or his other persona. Perhaps she didn't know the town that much after all.

"When the town meeting was called, I saw Mr. Gold walking the other way." he said and murmurs broke through the crowd. She glanced at her parents who were looking back at her knowingly. She never trusted Gold and she was certain everyone else in the town didn't too. She was about to open her mouth when the ground shook again, more violently this time.

"Get down!" She heard David shout behind her. She crouched behind the podium beside her. The shaking wasn't only more violent but longer than the first one. Just as the shaking was starting to slowly subside, she felt something else. She still wasn't used it but she knew what it was. Magic. The hairs on the back of her neck and arms stood up as a familiar feeling settled in her bones. She could feel the magic running through her veins. She knew this magic. It was as if her body knew this magic that was causing this.

The shaking stopped again and she quickly checked if everyone was safe. As they all recovered, she could hear whispers of asking what it was or who did it. She knew but she didn't want to tell anyone until she was sure who it was. Out of all the noise in the hall, she heard her phone ring in her pocket.

The voice from the other end crackled to life. "Emma?"

"Regina?" she asked, shocked by the caller.

"Did you feel that?" Regina asked ignoring the surprise in Emma's voice. "That was..."

"Gold." they both said at the same time.

"I know." Emma said.

"That's good."

Emma looked around and saw almost everyone was back on their seats. "Where are you?"

"Doesn't matter. I'm safe. I'm on my way there."

Without waiting for an answer, Regina ended the call. Emma rolled her eyes then she turned to her parents who were trying to help other people in the crowd. She dragged them towards the stage and spoke to them in whispers to make sure no one could hear them. "It's Gold." she told them.

"Well, that's not really a surprise." David shrugged his shoulders.

"Yeah, so I'm gonna check on him. You, guys, stay here and take care of things."

Snow looked at Emma. She clearly didn't like the idea. "No, I'm coming with you."

David nodded. "You should go with your mother. I can handle the crowd."

Emma gave them both a look. Not wanting to waste any more time, she agreed. Amidst the chaos and he panic in the crowd, they were able to slip out of the hall without a word and ran their way to Gold's shop.

* * *

_Kring!_

The bell sounded so familiar. Almost like the one at Gold's shop. Perhaps because it was that bell. Killian found himself standing in the middle of the empty shop. He was confused. Why was he here?

Then he heard voices coming from the other side of the shop.

"Where is he?"

"I don't know. Even Belle's not here."

He knew those voices. Swan and Snow. His eyes widened. They were trying to find Rumpelstiltskin. Why?

"Nothing's here! Even Belle's!"

"Damn it! He's planning to skip town with Belle!" He knew it was Emma. He heard footsteps coming from Gold's office. He wanted to see her. Yet somehow he couldn't move. All he could do was hope that she would walk out of the room for him to see her again.

"What if we're too late?"

He heard Snow's voice before a grumble shook the whole shop. Somehow Killian could feel it but he wasn't move. In fact, he couldn't move. He could feel the vibrations in his body yet he couldn't do anything like he was rooted to the ground. Somehow he also knew it was not just in the shop but in the whole town of Storybrooke. Then the scene changed.

He found himself in the middle of the road. A road he knew as the way to Storybrooke. It was empty. Cold wind blew across his face whistling around him causing leaves to flutter and trees to sway. He looked up to the sky. It was a a bit dark and cloudy, gloomy.

"Belle... What are you doing?"

That voice. He whipped his head to the direction of the voice and found Belle and Gold standing just before the town line. She was holding out the dagger (the real dagger, he hoped) at Rumpelstiltskin who was trembling in fear.

"Finally facing the truth."

He was a few feet away but he could hear the tears in her voice. Killian couldn't hear some of the words properly but it looked like Gold was trying o find himself a way out again. He clenched his jaw and curled his hand into fists. _Bloody hell, the man had the guts to lie in front of his wife._ Killian was never angry at Belle and although he tried to hurt her once, he would never do that again, even if it could lead to the Crocodile's downfall. The girl was too kind and sincere to have someone like the imp, much less be used to hurt the Crocodile. He felt a little bit better for the woman when he saw her fight back. He could hear it, the sniffs, the sobs, the cracks in her quiet trembling voice. A gust of cold wet air blew across them. Suddenly he heard their voices, loud and clear, as if the wind was carrying their voices to him.

"You've never changed."

"Please..."

"No! It's too late. Once, I saw the man behind the beast. Now, there's only the beast."

He wanted to feel happy for Belle that she finally saw the truth about her husband. He knew from the very beginning that the man was and will always be the Dark One, endlessly seeking for power. Yet he couldn't. The woman loved Gold dearly. She gave him her heart, her life, her everything, but he threw it away carelessly. Killian had a feeling he knew what would happen next. He knew he should be happy but he wasn't. Not because of the Crocodile, but because of Belle. No woman deserved being thrown away like a rag. No one. Instead, Killian closed his eyes as the cold wind continued to blow against him. He could hear the wails and the shouts, the tears and the sobs, the pain and the regret. His heart broke for the woman suffering because of her own husband.

Not once did he open his eyes. He only listened to the sounds and the cries around him. He only sensed the cold wind howling past him. Suddenly it all slowly died down into a deafening silence. He opened his eyes to the darkness, floating endlessly around him. Then he heard voices around him, whispering and shouting all at the same time.

"Belle!"

"I need something strong tonight."

"Are you sure, Belle?"

"I am."

"Mom! You're safe!"

"Don't run off, grandson."

"Shush, David. Neal's sleeping."

Some voices he recognized. Some he didn't. He was confused. Why was he hearing these voices? Could it be Tristan? What would he do anyway? There was no magic here. How could he do anything? Most of all, who was Tristan? Questions, questions. All unanswered and would never be answered. Not anymore. When he wakes up, these questions will forever remain unnoticed in the sands of time. But of course, Killian Jones didn't know that. He would never know. One by one, the voices died down into soft murmurs until the sting of silence returned. Yet unlike before, darkness slowly embraces the man floating in questions and doubt in his mind. One by one, the voices stopped until one was left.

"Killian... Why?"

And the darkness overtook him until Captain Hook would never see the light again.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit long, but after this, the fun starts. A short author's note for a long chapter. :D
> 
> Thanks for your reviews and kudos guys. I really get happy when I see them! :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, the episode this week. My heart beats for Jealous Killian because he is just so adorable! Cheers to Colin for playing him amazingly!

"Once again we have faced our enemies and won over them. We've been together through thick and thin. This town is no longer just a town that was created by a curse. This is our home and we shall defend it over and over again." David said in a loud voice booming in Granny's diner. He raised his glass higher in the air. "Cheers?"

Everyone in the room raised their glasses after him. "Cheers!"

Emma gulped down the red liquid and closed her eyes, waiting for that hot burning sensation travel down her throat and was disappointed when all she got was a light burning at the pit of her stomach. She quickly set her glass down ignoring her disappointment and her craving for something stronger. She promised herself she wouldn't get drunk tonight. Who knew what she could do if she was drunk? She knew she wasn't going to like it when she finds out.

Henry and David was talking about some game that apparently didn't make Mary Margaret very happy knowing that her 35-year old husband was playing some 11-year old game. Emma knew that they were trying to bring her into the conversation with the occasional "Right, Mom?". But really she couldn't give them anything else but a slight nod of her head or a wave of her hand. Right now they were laughing over something Emma didn't know. Her eyes scanned the room and fell on Belle who was sitting on the bar talking to Ruby and Will Scarlet.

Honestly, it felt really wrong to celebrate about what happened to Gold. She knew that everyone didn't like, if not, hated Gold in some way. The man did do a lot of bad things to a lot of people and he also did introduce the curse to the Evil Queen. But the man was married to Belle and everyone knew how much Belle loved her husband. Belle was a kind woman. Everyone accepted her right away when she was finally free from the clutches of Regina. No one wanted to see her sad and alone. At first, there was no celebration for tonight, everyone agreed to that. It actually Belle who insisted that they all celebrate for the town and for herself as well. Of course, no one would disagree with that.

Emma was proud of the woman. She did the right thing. Telling Gold what she have always wanted to say. Maybe Gold was just doing things for Belle as well. She knew the Dark One also loved his wife but he never changed. Always the same. He might have wanted the best for himself and his family but he never asked what Belle actually wanted. She watched as Belle laughed at a joke Will made and noticed a twinkle in her kind eyes as she looked at Will who was still telling her a story. If Emma didn't know better, she would have said Belle looked absolutely happy. Somehow she wondered, did she look like that when she looked at Killian?

She took in a breath, trying to ease the pain in her chest. Looking around, she waved for Ruby who was serving the dwarfs another round of beer. to hell with her promise to herself not to get drunk because she definitely needed something strong.

"What can I get 'ya?" Ruby said playfully.

"Rum."

The word slipped out of her mouth before she could process what it was. She frowned and blinked away the shock of what she said. She felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around and found the worried eyes of her mother. "Emma, are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." she said, almost a whisper.

"No, no rum." David said to Ruby. He wasn't angry, she knew, but she also knew that he wasn't happy with her choice of drink.

Emma frowned at her father and turned to Ruby. "I'll have rum." she said a little louder this time.

"Emma!" David almost shouted her name.

Ruby looked at both of them. "Well, I'll let you guys decide on that for a while." she said before walking away from their table to continue serving people their drinks.

What was she thinking ordering rum? Rum was something that reminded her of _him_. Dark hair pulled back, sinful lips wearing smirks, lined eyes bursting with the color of the ocean. Emma closed her eyes and pressed the palm of her hands against the sockets of her eyes with a groan of frustration.

"Emma, are you sure you're alright?" her mother asked.

When she didn't answer, she felt her father's hand on her arm. "Emma, is this about..."

"Don't say anything." she said through gritted teeth. She knew what he was going to say. She knew what they were all going to say. And she just couldn't. She couldn't think about it without lashing her heart out. Tears stung her eyes. She bit her lip and stood up, avoiding her parents' worried looks. "Take care of Henry. I need to go."

The moment she walked out of the diner, the tears started to fall down her cheeks. Wordlessly she walked the empty streets of Storybrooke in the middle of a cold night. A shiver ran through her as she realize she forgot her coat but she really didn't care much about that. Maybe it was even better that she left it, silently wishing that the cold could numb what she was feeling at the moment. Her eyes could see where she was heading but that didn't mean she knew where she was headed. Surprise and heartache was all she got when she found out where her legs brought her.

The docks. Of course, it had to be the docks. She stifled a snicker, a chuckle, then laughter. It was a good thing everyone was at Granny's busy celebrating whatever it was they were celebrating because the sheriff laughing hysterically at nothing would surely be a horrible thing to see. The scent of the sea hit her nose and she heard her laughter grew, taking on a higher pitch. She felt like she was growing crazy, drunk in the smell of the sea, and soon the smell of rum joined in. The next thing she was twirling, dancing around the docks and wherever her eyes laid all she saw was her pirate. Everything seemed so surreal and crazy to her. Everything was a haze to her, unclear and hazy, except for one thing.

He was gone.

Everything around her shattered as if she was under a spell. Suddenly everything was too much and her knees buckled under her. A thud and the numb pain on her knees told her that she was breaking down. The tears were streaming down her cheeks because it hurt so much. So much. Knowing that nothing would be the same again. She would never see him and his beautiful face, that she would never hear his voice and innuendos again, that she would never feel his love again. And what hurt more was that it was her fault. It was all her fault.

* * *

When she woke up, she was baffled that she found herself on her bed in her bedroom in her loft. She reached for the glass of water by her side and relaxed at the feeling of water soothing her dry throat. She tried to open her eyes but it was too heavy with sleep and swollen with tears. Settling for rest, she closed her eyes and laid back down on her bed, pulling the comforter around her body.

The last thing she remembered was that she was at the docks, acting as if she was drunk which she really wasn't. Not with alcohol. She pursed her lips and curled up into a ball. It was most probably her parents who found her at the docks and brought her home. At least, she hoped so because it would be so embarrassing to be found sleeping at the docks with a swollen nose and eyes.

Suddenly, she thought of work. It was obvious that she wouldn't go to work. Even if she wanted to, she knew she couldn't properly anyway. David was there too and the sound of her parents talking reassured her.

"Mary Margaret..." That was her father's voice laced with worry.

The sound of footsteps halted. She'd been hearing them occasionally by the front of her bedroom door, going back and forth. "I know, David, I know, but you can't blame me for worrying like this!" her mother argued. Emma could see her face with panic and on the verge of tears.

"Just give her time."

She could picture them together in a hug, soothing each other.

"I just hope that she wouldn't keep this all to herself and come out and let us help her." her mother's voice, soft that she almost didn't catch the words.

David sighed. "She's been through a lot but she's also changed a lot. Just give her a little more time."

The next few exchanges of words were a blur to her because hearing her parents talk made it even worse. It made her realize how it was actually all her fault.

After the Snow Queen, there were a lot of damages in town. Damages she had to attend to for the safety of the townspeople. It all took a lot of her time she rarely took her breaks. In between helping the town, Regina suddenly came to her, commanding her to continue her magic lessons. Emma wanted to refuse knowing full well of Regina's condition, yet she insisted that everything was fine. Emma agreed and when she realized that it was actually Regina's way of coping with her loss, she came to look forward to their training. At the same time, baby Neal got sick and her father, of course, had to be by Mary Margret's side all the time, leaving all the remaining paperwork to her.

The list could go on, really. How busy she was. How demanding her work as the Savior and sheriff was. How everyone was counting on her. But she knew they were all just excuses in her head because she literally _forgot_ about _him_. She thought of him occasionally, yes, but it always gets drowned by all the things that she had to do. And she hated herself for being so stupid and ignorant. He had been there by her side, constantly supporting her and helping her, and when he needed her, she was not there. She didn't even spare him a glance. Everything is so fucked up. No, she was so fucked up and it killed her because it was her fault that he was gone. It was her fault that she was here right now crying her eyeballs out. It was her fault that her heart was nowhere to be found anymore because it was totally shattered and broken and no one would be able to fix it anymore.

Everything focused into a clear vision when she heard the door outside open and close. She looked outside her window and saw that it was almost dusk. Then there was a knock on her door. She curled up again in her bed knowing it was just her parents trying to get her out of her room. She knew they didn't deserve to be treated like this as if she didn't care about them. She really did but she just didn't feel like having anyone else because for the past 28 years of her life, she was alone and she was so used to being alone that she just needed to be by herself at times like this.

"Mom?"

Her eyes fluttered open at the sound of her son at the door. Another knock. "Mom, I know you're in there." She bit her lip as a dilemma rose in her mind. "Look, Mom, I know you don't want to come out but I think I may have found something."

She didn't know what got into her because as soon as the words left Henry's mouth a surge of strength pushed her to stand up and open the door. She must have looked terrible because she didn't miss the look of surprise on Henry's face when she opened the door, but she didn't care.

"Where?" Her voice sounding gruff after not being used for a whole day.

Henry shifted nervously under the gaze of his mother and gulped. "Well, you might not like it..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know that feeling when you're just so pumped up you're firing away on your keyboard? That's what I felt just moments ago and I love it. I think I should get sick more often to get this feeling of fire and inspiration. Anyway, is this getting a bit draggy? Send me your thoughts. And some faves and follows too :D


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much happening yet but at least Emma's going to try to find Killian. Anyway I didn't know that there won't be any OUAT this week so imagine my shock and disappointment when I found out about it :( But, hey, at least we have some Olicity scenes to die for. Any Arrow fan out there?

She'll be honest. She wasn't too keen on the idea of having anyone else go with Henry and her, but she also didn't have the stomach to drive Henry and herself.

The ride to wherever Henry was planning on leading them to was really stressful. She knew everyone could feel the tension in the air. David and Henry weren't saying anything, yet she wasn't blind. She caught those glances they stole at her every now and then. It was really annoying, but she didn't have any strength to fight anymore, so she let them do whatever they want as she silently watched the small buildings of Storybrooke pass by.

The car stopped and Emma just had to shake her head. Of course. Of course, there was only one person who could have done whatever it was to Killian. "Emma, do you want me..." David asked.

She shook her head and got down from the car. Suddenly, a certain feeling gripped her heart. The feeling she always got when she was standing in front of Gold's shop, thinking about what she could find inside. "Mom." Henry gestured for her as he opened the door with the keys.

"Where did you..." Emma asked.

"Grandma gave it to me." Henry replied as he went straight to the counter where Gold used to stand, smirking at her with that dark face. Nothing much had changed in the shop. A few things, maybe. The windows were opened. She noticed a few of the things were missing. Courtesy of Belle who once tried to return some of the things to the rightful owners. Her eyes fell back on her son who was looking at her. His eyes snapping out of thought when he noticed she was waiting for him. He reached down his pocket and brought out a vial with a violet liquid.

"Drink it, Mom." Henry gave it to her. "I got it from _Mom."_

Of course, it was from Regina. Henry wouldn't have anywhere else to go to and Emma could feel Regina's magic as she held onto the bottle. With a pop, the bottle opened and she brought it to her lips. One gulp and everything went dark. She must have dropped the bottle because she heard the sound of glass breaking. Then just as fast everything came back and everything was so different. Brighter. Sharper. Clearer.

"It's like an X-Ray vision spell. I didn't understand much but when I tried it worked, so..." Henry pointed to the safe.

And what she saw was something she didn't expect. There were a lot of things in the safe but there was one thing that mattered among the rest. A heart. It was bright red, at the center was darkness. But somehow even with the darkness inside it glowing brightly. She could see it pumping as it sat inside a chest. Of course, it could be anyone else but...

One pulse. It sent a wave towards her and suddenly he was standing in front of her. His hair ruffled as always. His eyes as blue as the sky could be. His lips as soft and as inviting as it could be. She covered her mouth with her hand to mute out her sob. "Killian..." He smiled, and gave her that lopsided grin of his making her chuckle through the tears falling on her cheeks. Then slowly he faded like the wind, starting from the bottom slowly making its way to the top. The grin as gone from his face. He was now looking sternly at her with those blue eyes, blazing as he looked into her eyes.

_I trust you._

It was almost as if she could hear his voice. Everything felt so real, but he was fading away. Emma wanted to reach out and grab what was left of him, but she couldn't do that. Because she couldn't move. He completely disappeared with traces of his smile, with all of his body and soul etched in her mind.

He was alive. Very much alive. Tears fell from her eyes as she smiled. It felt good. Amazing. After all this time, she thought he was dead. But where was he? Was he in Storybrooke? He might have crossed the town line. He might have even transported back to the Enchanted Forest or worse, Neverland.

She felt a hand on her shoulder. Henry looked at her. "There's something else, Mom."

* * *

Emma bit her lip in anxiety. No one had to tell her anything. She perfectly knew where they were going. There were three scenes playing out in her head. The best of three was indeed a great one, yet it was the most improbable. The other was bad but gave a room for hope. The last one...No, she wasn't going to believe what she was thinking because she was afraid of the truth, because it was so possible and it scared the shit out of her.

They parked by the road, just a few meters away from the town line. "Mom..." He gave her a look as his voice trailed as if he was unsure. She gave him a small nod and opened the door to get down from the car.

With every step, she could hear her heart pounding loudly in her ears, her chest tightening in fear. She could make out the red line on the ground. The angry red line separating Storybrooke from the rest of the world. She bit her lip as anxiety settled at the bottom of her stomach, as she tried so hard not to break down in front of her son, as she tried not to let her knees buckle.

It wasn't until Henry who stood by her side looking at her worriedly, nudging at her with something in his hand, that she was able to snap out of her thoughts. When she looked down to see what he was holding, she gasped, speechless. It felt like everything fell apart. His telescope. Indeed, it was just his telescope but for so long for what felt like years, she had never seen any sign of him. Any. Even his room at Granny's was unbelievably clean and void of anything.

"Mom."

Henry's voice cut through her thoughts, pulling her out of her mind. She could see the worry in his eyes, but there was also something else telling her to trust him.

With shaky hands, she took the telescope from Henry and slowly pulled it out as she had seen him do. She shut her eyes close, trying so hard not to cry. She felt a hand on her shoulder and saw it Henry who was looking at her firmly telling her that she could do it. She smiled softly at him and peeked through the hole.

"Over there, Mom. See that tree with the broken branch?"

She wanted to believe that she could see something. She wanted to say that she saw something. But she could't because there really wasn't anything. She thought the tears would come, but surprisingly, they didn't. Her body started to feel numb. Her mind started to grow hazy. Her surroundings started to fade out. Leaving her alone in the darkness. Nothing. She could feel nothing. She could see nothing. All trees and the road...

Suddenly, it was like clouds started to clear. The sun shone down on the road in front of them. Something sparkled by the tree. Hope burst in her heart. She squinted her eyes trying to get a better view of the thing. A gasp left her lips as the telescope fell from her hands.

"Is that..."

Henry nodded. "A hook."

A hook. It was a hook. It was Killian's hook. Everything fell into place. Yes, he was alive. But he wasn't Storybrooke. The hook said it all. Killian was alive and he was somewhere out in the modern world. Alone.

* * *

Her parents would object. Naturally. Of course,it was a parent's first instinct to protect their children from whatever danger. And crossing the town line was big danger.

"You know, Emma, that if you cross you won't be able to come back, right?" Mary Margaret asked her.

"But, Mom, Elsa, Anna and Kristoff were able to travel between portals. That means we can also cross the town line now." Emma said one more time, trying so hard to win this battle.

David grabbed her arm. "We can't be sure about that."

"Emma..." She could see the look in her mother's eyes, but, no, she wasn't going anywhre else but out of Storybrooke to find Killian.

Both her parents looked at each other with hesitation. Emma shook her head. "I've made up my mind. I'm going."

"But, Emma-" her mother tried to tell her.

"No, Mom." Emma said, a little thankful that she didn't shout. The least she could do right now was leave on good terms and not with so much tension. "Look, Mom, Dad, I know you're worried about me. But Killian is out there somewhere. He's alone. And I know what it feels like to be alone. It's hard. So hard. Especially when you know there's a place that you should belong to and you just can't go back."

She took her mother's hand and clutched it tight. "Please. I need to go because Killian...he..." Tears started to form in her eyes once more. Then she felt her mother's hand covering her own, his father was standing beside her, his hand on her shoulder. When she looked up at them, she saw that they were nodding at her. There was fear in their eyes but it was different now. There was trust.

"Emma, can you answer one question first before you go?" Mary Margaret asked, glancing at David who was looking at his daughter. Emma nodded.

"Do you love Killian?"

The question had been in her mind for so long and she knew she only had one answer for that. It was clear in her mind. But somehow it took every ounce of her strength to say the words out loud because even now it scared her to death. But her parents' eyes were telling her that it was fine, that they were there by her side, that she wasn't alone anymore. A family. She had a family now.

"Yes." She said it with so much strength and conviction that it made her even more afraid. Because where was the old Emma? The one who would cower into the corner when people asked about her heart? The one who would stand strong behind those tall walls? The one who was so broken, so lost, so alone? How could someone so weak be so strong now?

She found herself in the middle of her parents' embrace, enveloping her in warmth. And love. She couldn't deny that she felt disappointment when they finally pulled away to kiss her on her forehead and wish her goodbye and good luck. Emma reached out to her baby brother and gave him a soft kiss before turning to Henry who was standing by the car.

"Henry, I need to go..." Emma said, trying to explain to her son.

But he smiled up at her. "It's okay, Mom, I know." She smiled back at him and pulled him into a tight hug, memorizing the way he felt under her hands. Because, seriously, he was getting bigger fast that she hoped she wouldn't be able to go for that long because she couldn't afford to miss his growing up. She knew what it felt to grow up without parents and she would never want that to happen to Henry.

When they pulled away, Henry was still smiling at her. "Plus, it feels good that one of my moms is finally going to be okay."

She didn't know where he got that optimism. She shook her head with a smile. Her parents were standing just behind him. "Don't worry, Emma. We'll take care of Henry." David smiled as he patted Henry on the shoulder.

"Yeah, Mom. I'll behave, don't worry." He gave her a big toothy grin, making her happy and sad at the same time. That optimism. He was a Charming after all.

She didn't want to go. This was her home. She didn't want to go because she would miss it so bad. Just as Killian was her home. She needed him just as bad. And because this time she wasn't alone, she knew she could do it. Because this time she knew she had people behind her back who trusted her and supported her, she knew she could get through this once and for all.

She got inside her yellow Bug and turned the ignition on. With one last wave for her family, she drove off towards the town line. She closed her eyes as the town line neared. Then she felt it. The magic washing over her, seeping into her then escaping out, sucking her magic out as she drove off away from her family who was still standing by the town line and Storybrooke who was oblivious as of now.

She stepped on the gas and set her eyes forward. She was going to leave home alone, but she was coming back with someone else.

Her pirate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you guys aren't bored with me and my fic because I'll be sad if you are. Just kidding. Reviews?


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's only one thing I can say right now...

She didn't know where Killian was. But she did know that someone as perceptive and experienced as he was would know to stick to the main road. Judging by this strip of road, it would only lead to one place.

New York City.

She didn't know how to find him too. Not exactly. She was once a bail bonds person. Of course, she knew how to find a single person in a mass of people in a big city. Although would be a bit difficult, she would admit, because she didn't have any contacts in NYC just as she had in Boston back then.

She would be honest that she never thought that her skills as a bail bonds person would come in handy especially now when she wasn't one anymore. She was also a little surprised with herself.

As she passed by a diner in the middle of the highway, she wondered if he left any trail for her. Well, she certainly hoped he did. Or at least oped that he wasn't hiding because it would make things a bit harder for her.

She clutched the steering wheel as a wave of confidence washed over her. Whatever happened, she would find him.

Emma wasted no time. The moment she arrived in New York she found herself a place to stay and temporarily got herself a room in an inn while she tried to find a more stable location.

The room wasn't too big but it also wasn't too small. Just the right size for a single person. She flopped down on her bed and did her thing. It wasn't long before she found something to start on because she was so focused on finding Killian.

A lot of the trails ended cold, but some would always branch out into more trails. And for the next few days, Emma found herself driving around the city, going in and out of shops, asking people, annoying the shit out of people. Well, some people were just rude like that.

As a bail bonds person, she knew that some days were just bad. When everything just falls apart. When every trail she had would go cold. When everything just seemed wrong. That day was today. She had absolutely nothing because one trail lead to one thing that brought down a chain of trails that resulted into the termination of the whole map in her head.

She wasn't going to give right away so she gave herself a few more days. And just her anger when nothing came up. Much more when her mother called her asking how she was.

"I'm fine, Mom." She tried really hard not to sound angry or hopeless, but she knew her mother knew that something was wrong and she hoped she wouldn't push it.

"Okay, then. Henry wants to talk to you."

It was good actually for her. It felt amazing to hear her son's voice and her parents' too. It reminded her that she had people behind her back now and it drove her to work even harder.

The same thing happened. Everything went cold and that was it. Emma felt everything at the same time. The pain. The anger. The sadness. The hate. The failure. What she needed, she decided, was a drink. A very strong one too.

She stopped her Bug at the closest bar and trudged inside. There wasn't a lot of people. Just the right amount of people for a drink. The place was simple and cozy. She could hear a male voice singing in the speakers. A bar singer and Emma didn't care. She went straight to the bar and ordered herself a drink.

It had been a while since she felt this way. This pain. She felt she couldn't do anything anymore like everything was drained from her. She didn't want to kove. She didn't want to think. She just wanted time to stop.

She slid down the bar and buried her face into her arms. The bartender told her that her drink was ready as he set it in front of her. Without looking, she raised her hand to tell him it was okay. She heard him leave and suddenly she felt the tears at the back of her eyes. But she didn't cry. She cried out all of them back in Storybrooke after all. She was just so tired and so... She wanted this to end as much as she wanted to succeed.

A group of girls giggled behind her and Emma didn't exactly know why, but she figured it must the bar singer because she could hear them whispering how great his voice was and how hot he was. Emma wanted to sneer at them to keep their mouths shut when she felt someone slip beside her.

She stayed still, ignoring how her body reacted to this stranger sitting beside her. She told herself it was just the AC blowing down on her. Then she heard a voice.

"Feeling alright there?"

She froze. Her heart rate picked up as that voice echoed in her ears. One more. She needed to hear that one more time because it might just be her ears playing tricks on her. Or she could just look up and see...

"K-Killian?"

Killian raised an eyebrow at her in a familiar way. So familiar it made her heart ache. He was here. Right in front of her. He was... Now tears were rolling down her cheeks. Her heart felt like it was about to explode in happiness. Her lips stretched into a big smile. She found him. At last.

"Killian!" Putting her arms around him, she buried her face into his neck. She could smell his perfume, but under that she could smell leather and sea and rum. She was so happy, just so happy that she didn't realize that he wasn't hugging her back. Suddenly she felt hands on her arms, pushing her back gently into her seat.

"I'm aware that I'm very handsome, but no need to get so excited." She looked at him in confusion as he frowned at her. "Not that I'm complaining, but who exactly are you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry... My muse planned this from the start and I just can't say no. Mourn with me, my friends. Review?


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No CS on this week's episode. It pains me in some way but not as much as my heart pains for Regina. Because...she's... why, Zelena? And Robin! Why'd you have to choose Marian!? That last scene with Rumple though. It's like making her choose Swan Queen or Outlaw Queen. :P
> 
> Anyway, excuse me for my rants. Enjoy!

_"All the little things are gone_   
_The things we used to be"_

_-~-_

It felt like...

Cold water splashed on her face.

Everything fell apart.

Darkness took her in.

She fainted.

Except it wasn't any of those. It would have been better if it was, but it wasn't.

Nothing.

She felt nothing. No pain. No disappointment. No anger.

Nothing.

Just an eerie silence inside her heart.

"Lass?"

His voice was like a light in the middle of the darkness, pulling her out of her broken fortress. She could see herself looking at him blankly. It was when he raised his left eyebrow slightly in question did she decide on what to do.

"S-sorry." she said, a little proud of the stutter that came out of her mouth because that was really her superb acting skills (or so she chose to believe) "I'm just a really big fan, and well, seeing you right now made me a bit overexcited."

He waved at the bartender in thanks without taking his eye off of her. His confused stare broke into a wide grin as he swirled the dark liquid in the glass. "That relieves me."

"That you sing well? It's obvious that everyone likes your voice." Emma complimented with words an avid fan would because she really hadn't heard his voice properly.

He laughed as he brought the glass to his lips. "It's also obvious that you're new around here."

Her eyes flicked to his lips as his tongue shot out trailing over his lower lip. She could feel heat rising to her cheeks and she wanted to believe it was the alcohol. When he looked at her again, she quickly lifted her gaze and acted as if nothing happened. It took her a few seconds before she realized that she was caught red-handed. He was looking at her funnily, waiting for her answer and all she could do was open her mouth.

"Cat got your tongue?" he teased, his lips puling up into a smirk that was painfully his.

She shook her head. "Fine, you got me I'm new here." she said, looking at the liquid inside the glass, not looking at him.

"So why the long face?"

She sighed. "Nothing." She would not tell him because it feels weird talking to someone about the same person and he doesn't even know it.

"Well, we just met anyway. Apologies for my manners." he said.

She chuckled, but she could feel the tears stinging her eyes because it reminded her so much of  _him_. But she could still feel nothing. "I just..." her voice trailed off. She thought he would walk away. If he didn't remember her and his hand - god, he had his hand back - then he was just like any other guy in the planet. Men would have excused themselves and walked away. But he didn't. He stayed as if he was waiting for her. "I think I need a job." she said softly. She didn't know what she was saying. How could she be so stupid? She wasn't looking for a job. She was looking for  _him._ A job wasn't needed for that. But it was too late. The words already left her mouth.

"A job?" She could see his handsome face with his eyebrow up in question. "You know what? I think they are in need of a bartender here."

Taking a risk, she looked at Killian who was looking at her like he was looking at her the entire time. "Any experience there, lass?" he asked.

"A little." Being on the streets made her a bit observant, and she did know a few things about bartenders when she was a bail bonds person.

He put his glass down, the sound loud even with the loud music playing. "Perfect!" he smiled at her, making her dizzy. He waved at the blonde man at the end of the bar. "Rob! I think you've got a new bartender right here!"

And that was how she got herself into a job that she didn't even really need. But soon she realized that she may not need it, but it might help her with Killian. It was all going well. Rob, she found out, was a kind man in his thirties. She wasn't going to lie, he was handsome and was single to her surprise. Sometimes he was behind the bar, but sometimes he was just one of the customers lounging on the went a little out of hand when Killian excused himself and she unconsciously reached out for him to ask him to stay. When she realized what she did, her face grew hot as she muttered a small word of thanks to which he smiled at and waved at her, making her heart skip a beat.

Her eyes were on the hard concrete sidewalk, but she wasn't really looking at them. She finally found Killian. And he didn't remember her. Not one bit. All night she kept stealing glances at him, trying to find any signs of recognition on his face. It pained her. It killed her to see the distance between them now. Because it wasn't supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be full of tears of joy, full of hugging, full of hot wet kisses, full of  _love._ But it wasn't, and she just felt so broken again. For years, no one had been able to fix her heart. Here came this one-handed pirate captain who patiently put her back together piece by piece even if the pieces sometimes fall out. And now that her heart was starting to heal, it was getting broken again by the same man who put it together.

She could feel the tears threatening to fall out of her eyes, but she shut them close to keep them from falling out. Because if she cried, it would feel so much like giving up on Kilian. And she wasn't going to do that because not one moment did he give up on her. Now that it was her turn, she was also going to choose to put her trust on him.

She got herself a job. She already found him. Wiping the tears in her eyes, she pulled her phone out and scrolled through her contacts. She was going to need that space for rent in one of the apartments nearby after all. How long she was staying, she didn't know, but she did know that it would take a while. It didn't matter to her at this point. All that mattered was that she was going to get him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a bit confusing, but please hang on. I promise you everything's going to be clear at some point in the future. Reviews, anyone?


	12. Chapter 12

Okay, she takes it back. Getting herself a job at the bar wasn't a stupid idea at all. It was actually a great idea.

She wasn't that bad at memorizing stuff, so it didn't take her longer than a week to get all the mixes and the cocktails in her head. By next week, she was already behind the bar, serving drinks as if she had already worked there for a long time. She would work at the bar during the evening and in the mornings, she felt like a couch potato with the remote on her right hand and a bag of chips on her left with a mug of hot cocoa (with cinnamon, of course) in front of her.

She didn't need the money anyway. Courtesy of her magic when she was still in Storybrooke. Her heart swelled at the thought that she could finally conjure things with her magic. Even Regina praised her how much she improved, and Regina certainly didn't look like the one to praise people. Just as her heart sank when she realized how much she missed Storybrooke, her parents, and Neal. Especially Henry.

 _You don't_ _have a home 'til you just miss it._

She wanted go home. Home. It sat awkwardly on her lips, but somehow it felt right at the same time. Emma Swan, the orphan girl who no one wanted, the stupid girl who ran away from the foster system, the Lost Girl, finally had a home.

Now that she finally got her home, she would do anything to protect it. For years, she'd sought for a way home. For years, she'd curl up on her bed at night, thinking how alone she felt. For years, she's stare at that single candle on top of a cupcake, lighting up the dark room. She would not lose her home again. She deserved it, she knew. And Killian was a part of her home. A big part of it. Her heart. Her soul. She would not lose him too like the others. He fought so hard for her. It was now her turn to fight for him too.

Oh, the giggling girls weren't wrong. His voice was amazing, and god, he looked completely _hot._ With guitar sitting on his lap, his hand gently strummed the strings as his other hand caressed the fret board pressing lightly while his fingers changed chords. The room was dark. The sole spotlight shining down on him did wonders to his face. The shadows danced across his face, sharpening the features of his handsome face. His eyes were closed as his lips opened to breath out the words of a song Emma didn't know, as he serenaded the quiet crowd, all listening to the soft rich voice floating out of the speakers.

_In the darkest night hour_

_I'll search through the crowd_

_Your face is all that I see_

The lyrics hit her hard as memories of her searching through the woods alone in the middle of the night, memories of locking herself in her room crying her eyes out flashed through her mind. The song brought out all the pain and anger she felt. He ended the song by singing the chorus once more, this time his blue eyes looking into the crowd. She gripped her pants as she tried so hard not to let the tears fall from her eyes, as she wished no one would come to the bar and order a drink, as he smiled at the response of the crowd.

Her eyes followed him as the DJ took the stage and he made his exit. The group of fangirls swarmed around him, squirming to get themselves a selfie. If having someone at the bar was a bad thing a while ago, it was a good thing to have now. She told herself she was just relieved that she finally had something to do after a dull moment, but she knew it was actually the heavy feeling growing in her chest at the sight of the girls touching him and pulling him.

She should be happy with the unusually big tip she got (she suspected it was just because the man was already drunk) but all she could feel was the numbness his last song left her. Rob told her that employees weren't allowed to get themselves a drink during work. Her answer? As long as she wasn't caught. She poured herself a hearty glass of beer and gulped it down in go. She almost dropped the mug she was holding when a voice behind her spoke.

"Isn't that prohibited?"

She quickly turned around and saw Killian sitting on one of the bar stools with a smirk on his face. She shrugged her shoulders.

He laughed. "Tut tut, naughty girl, Emma!"

"Don't you dare tell Rob!" she warned him.

His eyes widened in innocence, shaking his head. "Oh, my! Why would I tell Rob that the lass who I recommended broke one of his rules?"

She narrowed her eyes on him. "What are you trying to do?"

He tilted his to the side, making her stomach flip because he looked adorable. Damn him! "Nothing..."

"I hear a but coming." Emma stated.

He grinned like kid. "But I want you to make me drinks and keep me for the night."

She frowned. "You know I can't do that! There's a lot of people I need to serve!"

His face dropped and he looked down as his fingers drew small circles on the table. And her heart just sank because, crap, he still had that effect on her even though he wasn't _her_ Killian. "I guess, I just have to tell Rob then..."

Oh, he just did not. "You wouldn't." she challenged.

"Well, Rob is my friend and I wouldn't want him to lose money because one of his employees drinks from his bar."

She ran a hand through her fair and grumbled. "Fine! Fine!"

His whole face lit up like the sun at her statement. Her heart suddenly skipped a beat because he reminded her so much of _Killian_ , her pirate. She quickly turned around to hide the tears rapidly forming in her eyes. As she made him a drink, she could feel his eyes burning to her back and she tried so hard to wipe her eyes without him noticing. It was a good thing when she turned back around to face him, his eyes were closed and his fingers were drumming to the beat of the music the DJ was playing, giving her time to ready herself and slip back the mask.

They talked about a lot of things. A lot of random things. Once or twice, he would try to venture into her personal space, but she was thankful her skills could shift the whole conversation before she started tearing up again. There were lots of laughter and embarrassment because she could see her partner trying to keep up with the orders at the bar. There wasn't much people but it was enough to make a sole bartender work hard. She really wanted to excuse herself, but Killian here asked her partner who was apparently his friend to take care of the bar for the night as a favor.

The old Emma Swan would have been scared with how easy it felt to fall back into place, but she wasn't the same woman anymore. She felt happy as her eyes followed his face, his eyes, his smile. it felt like she completely forgot about her situation. It felt like she was free from anything. It felt like he was finally back. But every now and then it would all come back to her because she wouldn't find that spark in his blue eyes when he flirted back at her. But she also told herself it was okay because they were just starting and soon she would get him back, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this isn't much but I promise I'll quickly finish the next chapter and post it immediately. And I know it took me quite a while to post this one because I kinda went into Olicity because they are soooo canon! Anyway, reviews or comments, anyone? Oh, and that song was XO by Beyonce.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say because CS is a little bit silence these last 2 episodes. but I'm sure there's going to be some legit CS on next week's episode. Though there is SQ and they're like my Brotp (Please don't hurt me...Meh, admit it guys they are Brotp worthy)

_Nothing more than strangers_  
_Passing by out on the street_

_-~-_

One morning while she was helping herself on a breakfast of sandwich from the store at the end of the street, a thought suddenly struck her mind. How could he have survived all this on his own? He didn't have any money. It's not like he knew anyone outside Storybrooke.

She knew the way from Storybrooke to New York and it was surely a long way. He didn't have a car, or any sort of vehicle. Along the way, only a few cars, a number she could count with one hand, passed by. The only way was to walk. She froze in shock as realization hit her. And somehow she hated herself for thinking about that because, gosh, the tears were coming back. He walked that far. No food. No water. Just him and his legs.

_I'm a survivor._

His words rang in her head causing her to shake her head with a sad smile. Stubborn bastard. But how could he be so well today? She was certain that singing wouldn't give him much money to keep himself healthy...

Her head hurt just thinking hard about what he had done. It was just her craving for caffeine. What mattered, anyway, was that he was alright, right? She quickly finished her sandwich, and made her way to the coffee shop at the next block before continuing her apartment hunting. It was a long way, but Emma took her time. She had nothing to do, anyway.

She wondered what Killian was doing, where he was staying. Wherever he lived, it must be sparkling clean, she smiled. He was always the neat freak to her surprise. He was a pirate, after all. _Swan, I may be a pirate, but I believe in good form,_ he told her once. She chuckled at the thought of a stiff Killian, saluting with an almost duck face. It was an exaggeration, she knew, but it was not a crime to imagine things.

Out of the corner of her eye, she suddenly sees something dark coming out at her. She quickly side-stepped, and to her confusion it was just her eyes playing tricks on her with the parked truck in front of the flower shop she was just passing by. Just as her eyes peeked inside the flower shop and found a man with his back to her, and she knew that back anywhere.

What was Killian doing in a flower shop? To buy flowers, of course, she rolled her eyes at herself, but for whom? She suddenly found herself frozen in place, staring into the flower shop through the large window up front. Could there be someone? She didn't want to brag, but she knew he would only have eyes for her because he promised. This guy was Killian, but he wasn't _her_ Killian. He could have any other woman he desired, or man. She wasn't going to lie, but it made her heart churn and her stomach drop at the thought.

The tears were starting to form on her eyes. She quickly shut her eyes closed to keep them from falling. She should walk on, she decided, because she looked absolutely stupid suddenly stopping in the middle of the road on the verge of tears. Because, god, it hurt so much. Because he promised he wasn't going to leave her, he wasn't going to hurt her, he wasn't going to break her heart.

But he also isn't the same person anymore. He didn't even know who she is. Crap, she should having these kinds of breakdowns in the middle of the street in her mornings because suddenly she didn't feel like going apartment hunting or working later anymore. She tried her best to clear her head, and just walk to get herself that cup of hot coffee.

She was relieved to see that the coffee shop wasn't packed with people like she thought it would be. After getting her order, she took the couch just beside the window. She was about to indulge herself with the caffeine when she noticed someone standing beside her.

"Hey." Killian smiled, his blue eyes twinkling.

Her eyes widened as she set her cup back on the table, crossing her arms across her chest. "Are you following me?" she frowned. She tried hard to hide her amusement when he tilted his head in an adorable way, especially with that scarf around his neck. "You were at the flower shop when I passed by, and now you're here in the same coffee shop with me."

That eyebrow of his shot up in attention before. "Well, it seems more like _you_ were the one following me." he smirked. She just stared at him in stunned silence, to which he returned with an amused chuckle. "And for the record, Emma, you're on my seat." he said, he stuck his tongue out.

Heat pooled on her stomach. Damn this man and his tongue. She was thankful she was able to recover quickly. "I'm sure it's the management's, not yours." she said back at him.

He suddenly laughed. "Well, good morning to you, too. I wonder what you would be like after you've had that cup of coffee."

"Pretty sure I'm going to be more radiant." she joked.

"I'm sure you would." he winked at her.

She knew it was just a friendly banter and nothing more, but she couldn't help but feel her grow hot at his statement. "Anyway, what do you want, Jones?"

He shifted to stand on his other leg. "You are on my usual seat..." his voice trailed off.

Her eyes widened. "Oh, are you asking me to move tables? Or are you asking to seat with me?"

"Well, which one would you hate more? I'd pick that." he grinned at her.

She should be offended, but the only thing she wanted to do was to spur this conversation on because it felt so easy to fall back into this kind of routine. "Oh, please do scoot your ass over there." she said, pointing at the next table. "This table's taken."

He pouted. Her heart skipped a beat because he just looked so adorable and hot at the same time. Oh god, he did not just do that because she could feel herself losing this battle quickly. At the same time, there was a couple who took the table beside them and she could feel the disapproving looks of the others as Killian continued to block the way. She looked back at him with a glare.

"Fine."

His face suddenly broke into a smile, so bright her heart hurt so much. "You're just gold, aren't you?"

"Thank you very much." she replied sarcastically. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to have this cold cup of coffee." She stressed on the word 'cold' as if it was his fault. (It really was.)

"So, what are you planning on doing today?" he asked, completely ignoring her earlier statement.

She gave him a look before answering. "Just gonna find a place for myself."

"Ah, you know what? I think I have a friend who has an empty space for rent." He stopped to take a sip of his drink before he added, "I can call you if it's available."

"Thanks." she replied.

She was about to open her mouth when he spoke again. "Well, lass, I'm gonna have to head out now. Those flowers won't wait for me."

She frowned at his statement for a second before it hit her. He was a florist. Killian Jones, Captain Hook was a florist. The image of Killian tending to flowers made her giggle because the thought had never crossed her mind. Imagining Captain Hook as a florist tickled her mind. Her giggles soon turned into laughter, causing him to frown at her.

"Don't laugh at me." he pouted.

She laughed. He just sat there with a pout, obviously not amused with her reaction. "Sorry." she breathed out, trying to calm herself. "I just didn't see that coming. I mean you look too good for a florist."

She stiffened as soon as the words left her lips. Shit! She did not just say that. Watching his eyebrow raise in question, her eyes widened, her face grew hot in embarrassment. Soon he was smirking at her. "So you think I look good, eh?"

Her face grew hot, and she just couldn't look at him straight in the eye. "I-uh..." She licked her lips nervously, trying to find the words.

Relief washed over her when he laughed at her. Teasing like this, she could take that, but if it was something else, she wasn't sure she was ready for that. "I guess I'll have to thank you for that, lass." he winked at her again.

Two winks in one morning. Her heart felt like it could jump out anytime. She bit her lip and tried so hard not to look at him straight in his eyes. He laughed again. "Well, see you later, Emma."

She just nodded in silence before he stood up and left. When she heard the door close, a sigh left her lips. What was she doing? That was so embarrassing. According to his time, they just met, and here she was, already flirting with him. She just hoped that it wouldn't scare him away.

* * *

As usual, he was amazing on stage. He wore a plain black tee paired with jeans and ankle boots. And she wasn't going to lie, it did things to her because that shirt fitted so well on him. She could almost see every muscle on his arm as he strummed the guitar and sang his heart out like he always did.

He was mesmerizing. Once she stood there, staring at the way his fingers plucked on the strings, the way he leaned for the mic, the way he scanned the crowd. Her partner had to bump her shoulder to pull her back into her work. But usually when he sang, there were fewer people coming to the bar. Emma suspected it was because they were captivated by his voice just as she was.

She knew she should be disappointed when he ended his last song, but she actually felt good because she knew he would always come by the bar and disturb her while she worked. She acted like she was annoyed by it, but, of course, she liked it very much, and looked forward to it every time he played. Here he was walking through the crowd towards the empty seat right in front of her.

"Fancy seeing you here." he teased.

She rolled her eyes as she prepared his usual drink. It didn't take long for her to realize that it was his favorite drink. So it also didn't take long for her to learn the mix and serve it to him after his jamming session.

He took a sip of the alcohol, and closed his eyes. "Mm, you're the best."

"Thanks?" she grinned.

Raising an eyebrow, he leaned forward. "You think I'm joking?"

"Maybe." She shrugged her shoulders as she moved to her next customer, but not before giving Killian a smirk that mirrored his.

The bar was a small space. It was enough for two to three people, and also enough to see the whole span of the bar so that the service would be efficient. So it wasn't lost on her when a brunette wearing nothing but a small amount of clothing came swaying her hips to throw herself on Killian. As she was preparing the drinks, she couldn't help, but take a glance at Killian who was grinning from ear to ear, giving the woman a flirtatious look. They were talking like they knew each other, but Emma didn't have to listen to what they were talking about to know where it would go. So when they magically vanished when she passed by, she tried so hard to ignore the sinking feeling inside her. But it was just so hard when they were so close, yet they felt so far apart. With all her strength, she furiously did her work, and sought for more customers. Because she knew she wouldn't see him until the next night that he would play.

Because of course. Of course.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't be angry with me *inserts monkey covering eyes emoji* Well, Killian is an attractive man. :P
> 
> Tell me what you think, guys. Those lyrics are from "Strangers" by Seven Lions, Myon & Shane 54 feat. Tove Lo. It's a break-up song I know, but my muse took it literally so... :P


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I won't be able to update for two weeks because we have this trip. So here is a long chapter for you guys before I go. Enjoy!

_Kring!_

The sound sent hammers pounding her brain furiously. She forced her eyes to open wincing them close again when her head spiked up in pain. The ringing finally stopped and a hum of relief came out of her dry lips.

_Kring!_

Fucking hell, she thought as pain overwhelmed her senses. Her phone continued to drill her brain, and she knew she just had to get that because it didn't seem like it was going to end soon. But as soon as she saw who was calling, everything suddenly dulled, her heart dropped, her mouth became drier. And somehow she wished she had that hangover instead of this sinking feeling in her chest. Her mind flashed back to the events of last night when he disappeared and never came back. Of course. He was an attractive guy. Of course, women would want to have him, and it was natural for a man to give in to his desires. But not her Killian, well, Captain Hook would. He was the same person, so it made sense that he would want to get under the sheets with someone else. _Other than you_ , a voice inside her spoke.

It hurt so much. It felt like her heart was churning inside her chest, as if someone was gripping her heart tight. She wanted to say she was fine, but she really wasn't. There was really not much to say. The man who came back for her, the man who gave up his own ship was now treating her as if she was nothing, as if she was a stranger.

With a heavy heart, she slipped out of the bed and made herself breakfast, ignoring the ringing phone left on her bedside table.

Oh, he was persistent as ever.

She was in the supermarket near the place she was staying in, strolling down the aisles for anything she needed. But, really, she was just wasting time because she was free the whole morning. And her phone just didn't stop ringing to the point an old lady came up to her, asking her to answer it or to turn it off. She turned her phone to vibrate and it scared the shit out of her how long it vibrated in her pocket and how hot her phone got when she took it out to mute it.

With her thigh ringing with the vibrations, she took her time looking at every section, considering every choice of item. After, she paid for the items she bought, and decided to get herself a cup of coffee. The only place she knew was the coffee shop Killian frequented. Her usual route would bring her to the street of the flower shop she saw Killian in. And seriously? Why does everything seem to be about Killian, Killian, Killian?

She shook her head and found another way to the coffee shop without crossing the flower shop. Before entering, she checked first for any signs of the tall British man. She got out safe from any Jones, and she also got herself a steaming cup of coffee. Walking in silence, she sipped on her coffee, her mind floating along to random things. Her senses increasing as she let her mind wander and just observe her surroundings. To forget everything that happened, for even just one minute.

A kid ran by, followed by another boy pumping his fist into the air with an adorable red face. "Curse you, Jones!"

She froze, the momentum causing the hot coffee to spill out of the cup and onto her hand. She looked down at her burnt hand, registering the pain, but she couldn't feel it quite yet. Not when her mind was replaying the words of the boy.

_Curse you, Jones._

_Curse you._

_Jones._

_Curse._

_Jones._

_Killian._

_Curse._

A curse. A curse that took all his memories away. Just like the curse Regina cast on her when she and Henry went to New York. Just like the curse cast on Belle that turned her into Lacey. It could be a curse. It must be!

Anger flared in her heart. Of course.

Gold.

It was all Gold. She almost crushed the cup still full of coffee in her hand. Crossing the town line wouldn't take memories. That curse was already broken, but when the Snow Queen showed up she cast a curse on the whole town. If you crossed the town line, you could never come back. The anger dissolved into fear. Killian could never go back to Storybrooke. He could never enter Storybrooke ever again. She crossed the line too, but maybe when the Snow Queen cast its she meant it for everyone else, but not them, not her "sisters". Maybe she could still go back to Storybrooke, but Killian couldn't.

Then she would stay. She would stay with Killian in the city and maybe one day, he would remember her the way her Killian would. But she couldn't possibly leave Storybrooke. Storybrooke was her home. Her parents, Henry. Her family. Just when she finally had a family. Just when she finally had someone who understood her. Just when she finally had Killian. Everything just crumbled down to ashes.

Killian or her family?

What would she do? She couldn't possibly choose Killian over her family, the thing she had wanted the most since she was a kid. And she couldn't choose her family over Killian, not when Killian _was_ family too.

Arguments flew in her mind as she walked mechanically through the crowd back to the inn. She hadn't even noticed the man sitting just beside her door when she fished for her keys inside her bag.

"Finally!"

His voice broke off her trance. She blinked a few times before facing Killian who was standing with an eyebrow raised. Her surprise was replaced by irritation at the sight of him. "What are you doing here?" she snapped at him.

"Woah! Slow down, there Oscar the Grouch." She glared at him, causing his smile to drop into a serious one. "Why weren't you answering my calls?"

She furrowed her eyebrows and huffed out a breath in annoyance. "Do I need to answer every one of your call? Who am I? Your girlfriend?" she said harshly.

He winced then fire blazed in his eyes. "Why are you suddenly shouting at me?" he snapped back, turning around to make his exit.

Sadness filled her. Maybe it was because he looked so...normal. After yesterday night when he slept with that woman, he looked like it was completely normal. It was as if he didn't hurt anyone else. She hadn't noticed how hard it felt, how hard it must have been for him when he saw her with Walsh, with Neal.

Suddenly the haze cleared, and she realized what she had just done. Her heart winced in pain when she saw his back, shoulders hunched as he walk down the hallway. "Wait..." She bit her lip in embarrassment and looked away when he turned around to look at her, the hurt evident in his eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... I wasn't thinking straight. I'm sorry. You can call me anytime. I mean you can- you could-"

"You're mumbling." Her head raised to look at his face adorned with a smirk. Suddenly, he grinned at her as he stood a few inches away from her. So close, their chest were almost touching. "You look adorable, lass."

Her face grew hot as she busied herself with the key and the lock. She cleared her throat. "What are you doing here?" she asked, this time a little more gentle than the first time she asked him.

"Well, remember when I told you I'm going to call you about that flat my friend has?"

She gestured for him to come in, and closed the door before setting the bag on the table. "Yeah, so?" she asked, placing her hands on her hips.

He smirked. "Well, I may have already reserved the place for you."

Her eyes widened in surprise. He did that for her? Honestly she thought he would forget about the whole apartment hunting thing. "You did?"

He cocked his head to the side and nervously scratched the back of his left ear. A nervous tick that affected Emma as much as it affected her back then. "Well, you might not like the price." he said with a small frown.

"How much?" she asked, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Well, we're not yet settled on a price, but do me one favor, lass." he said, leaning forward to her. "You'll be at the bar tonight sitting with us."

"What the hell? I need to work!" she argued.

"Trust me." he simply said.

Those two words hit her so hard she had to support herself on the chair beside her. Somehow those two words just meant so much to her because that's what he did. He taught her to trust again. And she trusted him with all her heart. Even if this wasn't entirely him.

* * *

"Tristan, Emma. Emma, Tristan." Killian gestured towards the two of them.

Emma was sitting across the brown haired man with kind green eyes holding his hand out, waiting for her. She smiled back at him and took his hand and shook it. "Nice to meet you." she said. "Killian talked a lot about you.

"I hope nothing embarrassing." he replied with a nervous smile.

She shook her head, bumping Killian's shoulders with hers. "This man right here said you saved his live."

"God, Killian makes me look like some hero." Tristan shook his head.

Killian smiled at him. "You are, mate. You are."

Tristan just laughed before going to business."So Killian told me you were looking for a place to stay."

"Yeah." Emma nodded.

"She's currently staying at the Golden Inn." Killian added.

Tristan shook his head. "Not a pretty place to stay. Especially with that atrocious front desk manager."

Emma tilted her head in confusion. "He was pretty nice to me when I checked in."

Tristan looked at her in shock, his eyes wide. "Really? Was he trying his luck in getting one of his customers?"

She frowned. "Tough luck. I've already got my eyes on someone else." she said, glancing at Killian who was enjoying his drink far too much to notice her. Her eyes shifted back to Tristan as quickly.

"So about that rent..." Tristan started.

"Now that's why you're here." Killian interrupted, pointing a finger at Emma. "I'm pretty sure this guy here would change his mind when he sees how beautiful of a lady you are."

Emma blushed in embarrassment when the two men looked at her approvingly. She waved her hand at them. "Stop lying to yourselves. It's just the makeup."

Killian's eyebrow shot up at her words. "Makeup? Lass, you know what that makeup does? It hides that beautiful face from everyone else." Tristan nodded at his friend.

Her blush deepened, and she swore the blush must have reached her neck. Because, damn, he still had that effect on her.

"Wait, you're all talking about the price but I don't even know where it is!"

"Brooklyn." Tristan answered.

"Woah, no!" Emma replied.

Killian frowned at her. "Why, lass?"

"That's like on he other side of the city! I don't wanna go when I already have a job here." _When I already found you._

Tristan raised an eyebrow. "You can just get a new job there, considering how new you are here."

Emma shook her head. "I've already been here a week and I feel a bit at home now. I can't just move when I've just adjusted." she reasoned, hoping her pointless argument would work..

"Well, I currently don't have any available apartments here in New York..." Tristan said.

"But you do have a house." Killian suggested, earning two confused looks. He faced Emma. "Remember I told you he gave me a place to live in?"

Emma nodded nervously, sensing something in the tone of his voice, something she wasn't sure she would like or hate.

"You can stay with me then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it sucks how they can't act romantically like they should but it will come. It really will. Reviews?


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I know I was away for a month. Well, my trip only lasted for the first half of the month, but then I had to bring myself back into a writing mood and I think I got it back now. I just think. So, anyway, enjoy?

"Just one bag?"

Emma rolled her eyes at the confused man standing in her room at the inn she was staying as she checked she bathroom one last time.

"You traveled to New York with one small bag?"

He still stood here, clearly perplexed by the single duffel bag in his good hand, rather, his once good hand. He didn't have the hook, after all. She raised an eyebrow at him as she leaned against the door frame of the bathroom door.

"That's what I told you, but you insisted." she smirked as his frustration grew.

He did that signature eyebrow thing of his, making butterflies flutter inside her stomach even in his frustrated state. "Yeah, but I thought you were joking, and not actually have just one bloody bag!"

Emma just shrugged her shoulders, turning around to close the bathroom door behind her. She snatched the room keys sitting on the bed. Gesturing for him to go out of the room, she stuck her tongue out. "Not my fault."

"Oh yeah, it's my fault." he said sarcastically, still adorably confused. Emma just laughed because, god, could his man get any cuter? She shook her head as he passed by, hearing mutters along the lines of 'one bloody bag' and 'crazy woman'.

When they were standing on either sides of his pickup truck, his head appeared just over the hood.

"Okay, you owe me, Swan."

She frowned at him. "What?"

"I'm still not over the fact that you only have one duffel bag, so you owe me a meal." he said sternly, not one bit of silliness on his face.

She looked at him as if he was joking. "Seriously? I didn't even do anything."

"Didn't do anything? You just tricked me, lass." he narrowed his eyes at her.

"I did not do that." she said with a small laugh. "That was you being stubborn."

"Nooo." he whined. "You tricked me into thinking you tricked me when you weren't tricking me."

She couldn't help it, she laughed out loud, earning herself a pout from the man standing across her with a disapproving look on his face.

"And a coffee too for that laugh." he said when she finally calmed herself down, pouting in challenge.

She shook her head. "You're not gonna drop this, are you?"

"What do you think?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"Is that a yes?"

"What do you think?" she said, hiding the smile forming on her lips because she wasn't going to lose just because she used his words on him.

A big smile adorned his lips as he grinned like Cheshire Cat. She must be staring wide eyed at him with a grin that mirrored his. She knew she was because her cheeks were starting to hurt too. Schooling her features to a shy smile, she shook her head at his reaction.

"Lunch, it is then!" he announced like a kid going out to play. He looked at her with a twinkle in his eyes that made her cheeks burn. "M'lady." he winked at her as he gestured for her to go in first.

And she wanted to deny that her blush didn't deepen. But it did. She just looked away with a small smile playing on her lips as she sat inside the car. A few seconds after, he followed with a grin.

They had lunch at a nearby Japanese restaurant she pointed to him after laying out too much options because _he was a gentleman_ it made her head hurt, which turned out to be a pretty bad idea because now he was complaining about how the _bloody sushi was not fresh._ And all she could do was roll her eyes and force herself no to smile too much at his adorable distressed face as they ate their meal. One time when he snorted, she almost dropped the cup of hot tea she was holding because she never thought she would actually hear Killian Jones snort. He had to give her that eyebrow thing to make her realize that she was staring at him wide-eyed in surprise. A giggle escaped her lips and soon they were both laughing until their stomachs hurt.

There was a nearby coffee shop just a block away. They took the two couches at the corner of the shop. Killian insisted he would be the one to take the orders, but Emma knew he did that so that she wouldn't have to pay. It really wasn't a big matter, but Emma still had a little bit of decency inside her to be embarrassed because this was definitely not a date and they should for each one's order, not treat the other one. But he was just as stubborn as he was and they had to stop because they were kinda making too much noise.

"Your latte, m'lady." he said as he set the tray on the table.

She shook her head at his choice of words as she took the cup in her hands. He sat across her and took a sip of his own drink. Trying to get a peek on his drink, she craned her neck and he shot her with an eyebrow raise.

"What did you get?" she asked.

His cheeks started to flare as he gave her a shy smile and his right hand reached to scratch behind his ear. God, he still got that adorable tick that he does when he's nervous or embarrassed. Emma guessed it was more of the latter for this case.

"Tea." he replied, his accent somehow curling more around the single word.

She laughed and he just gave her a sheepish smile as he leaned on his knees. "You are so British."

He gave her a stiff grin. "I know, right? My friends used to tease me about it. Actually, they still do." he pouted.

"Such a child." she laughed.

"A British child." he added with another pout.

She laughed. "Yeah, right."

"I remember the time they dragged me to play football and I agreed because I was like, hey, it's just football, what can happen?"

"It was American football." She rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, and I went home that night with lots of bruises on my body and on my British heart." he feigned a look of hurt.

A chuckle rose out of her lips as she brought her cup to her lips. _It's okay. I like that about you._

His face suddenly broke into a big smile. A smile so big it felt like the whole world just lit up in colors, like the night sky lit up with bursts of fireworks, like the whole sun just lit up in bright flames. At the same time, it somehow made her heart ache because it was all too much. This Killian smiled a bit wider, laughed a bit louder. It felt good to see him so happy, but it also reminded her how much different he was, how much he wasn't _her_ Killian, how much she missed him. It also reminded her that she wasn't here to enjoy herself. She wasn't supposed to be sitting here chatting with him when she should be doing more pressing things such as finding a way to bring him back.

She had no idea where to start. Absolutely nothing. Well, she knew one way of breaking a curse. True Love's kiss. What if it didn't work? It wouldn't work if the other one didn't return your feelings. It was like what happened back in New York when a weird looking man with a leather coat kissed her on her front door with her son still inside the room except this time it was him who didn't recognize her. Wait, did she just confess to herself that she actually... _loved_ him? Of course, she does. No, she doesn't. She didn't know. She wasn't sure. Now is not the time to think about it. Plus, there is no magic in New York. If she needed help, she had to go back to Storybrooke, but what if they couldn't go back? What if she was wrong and they were trapped in New York forever? It would be alright, her mind told her, because he was there.

Her eyes went to his back as he walked towards the bathroom.

She hoped so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not the best chapter I've written. I could have done something better, I think. I'll be honest I am not good at writing fluff and these kinds of things unless I'm in the mood for it. I'm more on the angsty side of stuff and, yes, there will be angst in this story. Of course there will. :D


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest I still haven't got the mood for writing because lately drawing came back knocking at my door. But I still love writing. You may hate me for this. Only maybe. :P

_Don't want to be a stranger_   
_Want to be the one you need_   
_I can be your world, your life_   
_Your lover, all for free_

_-~-_

Emma woke up from a good night's rest which was very rare. She didn't know why but she's got a hunch it might be because of the man who she knew was behind that smell of bacon coming from outside, erasing all memories of sleep from her mind. She got up and tended her bed hair a bit in the spare room he told her was hers now. It was the same size as the room she got at the inn she had stayed except it didn't have a bathroom. The bathroom was outside and yes, they were sharing bathrooms.

When she walked into the kitchen, she was welcomed with the strong smell of pancakes and bacon, not to mention the tall, dark-haired British man standing in front of the stove with his back to her. She sat down at the table just behind him and he looked over his shoulder with a smile.

"Good morning." he chirped.

"Good morning." she replied with a sleepy voice completely ruining the feel good vibes he was giving off.

He raised an eyebrow at her in mock annoyance. She just stuck her tongue out to which he pouted in reply before bringing his attention back to the cooking bacon. She rolled her eyes before she slumped down to rest her head on the table, letting the sleep completely fade out of her mind while the smell of bacon pushed it away.

Her eyes fell on the back of the man who's been the craziest thing that's happened to her life. She watched slowly as the muscles of his back moved while he flipped the bacons over the pan. First, he came crashing into her life as if he knew everything about her. Well, he really didn't but he knew of the mask she was wearing and the dark wounds behind it. He could see through her so easily, it scared her to death knowing someone could see through her foolproof fortress that no one had been able to look past through. Then she slowly learned about the mysterious pirate, wanting to know the man behind that mask that she knew so well. It almost frightened her to death how different they were yet so similar, how far they seem in the edge of the realms yet so close in their souls. She accepted him finally after learning that he gave up his ship for her because no one in the right mind would give up such a thing of significance just for her even though she already knew the man underneath the mask so well. It terrified her how easily he was able to slip into her life like he was there all along, like his figure fit so well, like he belonged there.

But he kept his word. _When I win your heart, Emma, and I will win it, it will not be because of trickery. It will be because you want me._

Now he was here in her world, without magic, without anything, without _her, c_ ompletely detached from the world he once lived in, from the life he once led. And it hurt her to know that everything that happened, everything that had gone between them, everything they had was gone. What was more was that he was standing there right in front of her, oblivious to everything that was, standing there like he was having the best mornings a man could ever have. But what killed her the most was that she couldn't do anything. Indeed, it seemed fate was bringing them closer to each other, but he just felt so far. He was so close to her, yet he was so, so far away in a place she felt she couldn't reach. With each passing day, it felt like she was doing nothing, but make the distance between them grow and grow, and she was terrified what would happen if her hands couldn't grasp his hand anymore.

"What do you want to drink?" His voice pulled her out of her thoughts as she blinked a few times.

"Um, don't bother. I'll do it."

She made her way and stood beside him inside the somewhat small kitchen, her elbows hitting his with every small movement. As she prepared a cup of hot chocolate for herself and coffee for himself, she couldn't help but let her mind wander back to the man now beside her because this felt so...normal, so domestic. And she could feel herself almost forgetting that this man right here wasn't _her_ Killian. He set the plate just after she finished making their drinks. He gestured for her to take a seat, causing her to roll her eyes. He said something about always being a gentleman and all she could do was tease him about it, resulting in a lot of adorable pouts and playful smirks to both her pleasure and dismay.

"Okay, lass, you now almost everything about me, and I know almost nothing about you." he started.

She played with her last piece of bacon, knowing full well where the conversation was heading. "What are you saying?" she asked innocently.

"Oh, come on, Emma." he whined as he took a sip of is morning coffee.

She chuckled at his childishness. "I was a bail bonds person."

His eyes twinkled in curiosity. "Oh, is that it?"

"Yeah?" She raised her eyebrow at him, unsure with his answer.

"Nothing. So why did you decide to move?"

"I guess, I just needed a change of scenery"

"Well, there's not much to see here, except buildings and dashing bar singers." he winked at her.

She wouldn't deny her heart did a flip with his playful wink. "Yeah, right, and big mean florists with dark hair and blue eyes."

"Oi!"

Their banter ended with them walking towards Killian's workplace. When they walked in, Emma couldn't help but close her eyes as she breathed in the scent of fresh flowers. He went into a long speech about flowers not being not manly at all, in an attempt to preserve his dignity and to make her laugh according to his face when she caught him grinning at her when she was laughing. He thought her a little about the flowers, how to treat them like they were souls of children, she quoted. And she could only stand there in awe as he walked into one room full of orchids with a small relaxed smile on his lips, as he held one of the orchids with a look of adoration, as he showed her how to pamper them with a lightness and care in his hands. His voice faded from her senses as she stood there, watching him move around gracefully he room. He had to call her a couple of times before she realized that he was asking her if she wanted to come with him while he made deliveries for the flowers.

She stood beside him awkwardly as he chatted politely with the owner, feeling a bit out of place. Killian must have sensed her distress because he bid the old man farewell immediately and took her hand to get back to his truck. The moment they got out of the store however, her skin prickled in alert, the hairs on her arms stood up. It only happens when something was up, when it felt like someone was following her. She looked around for anything suspicious, but of course, she saw nothing. She frowned and got inside the truck as they drove off to the next store. Maybe she was wrong (though she as rarely wrong)

Then they reached that flower shop the first time she saw him. He went in, carrying the box all on his own leaving Emma feeling awkward once again so she just put them inside her coat pocket. The little bell above the door rang when he opened the door, sticking his foot out to let her in too. There was no one behind the counter but they weren't alone apparently. There was a customer behind the row of flowers.

Emma gave the woman a small smile who mirrored her small smile back, but she wasn't looking at her, she was looking at Killian who was giving her a sheepish smile and Emma knew he was itching to scratch behind his ear.

Her stomach dropped.

So that was why.

That was why he felt so far away. Why he felt so different.

He likes this woman genuinely.

She could feel the hurt and pain struck her chest as the tears started to well up, but she pushed them all down, forced them all down. She couldn't show him. He shouldn't know. If he knew, he might push her further away and she couldn't handle that. She should just stay quiet and take it all in, even if it killed her soul and her whole being.

* * *

 

"Give me something strong."

The bartender just nodded and went to make her a drink. She didn't go to work tonight, she didn't want to. She could always say some family matters happened which was partly true since her parents called her except she just didn't answer it because 'she left her phone'.

She didn't really want to think about it, but her mind went back to him every time she tried so hard not to think of him. Skimming the top of the topic, it was as simple as _her_ Killian Jones was almost gone. If not, completely gone. And it hurt so much maybe because...she was guilty. He had done everything for her, he even gave up his sip for her. And what did she give him? A smile? A date? A kiss on the lips? Like it was something compared to the size of what he had given up just for her.

No, she wasn't jealous. She was angry. Angry at herself. It was her fault from the very beginning, after all. If only she was strong enough, strong enough to tell him that she...that she... She grumbled out in frustration. God, even right now, even after all that happened, she couldn't bring herself to say it or even just think of it. Maybe this was her punishment. Maybe this was for the better. She wasn't worth any of his time. He deserved better. Not her.

The bartender serving her drink broke her train of thoughts. She took a big gulp of her drink, savoring the hot liquid burning down her throat, straight to her heart like a train. Just then, the back of her neck prickled in alert. Of course, she didn't forget about that too. Whoever was following her since this morning was doing a hell of a job for not getting caught and for having such a timing that she was with Killian. If she was alone, she would have settled the matter immediately. Finishing her drink in one gulp, she felt the prickle again.

She needed something to get her mind off of _him_ after all. She stood up and walked towards the exit at the back of the bar slowly, making sure whoever was following her would not lose sight of her. When she finally broke out of the crowd and into the hallway that led to the exit, she broke into a fast pace, closing the door behind her as she waited beside the door.

The moment it opened, she grabbed the first thing she saw, a jacket covered arm. She yanked hard and slammed the man against the wall hard, but not hard enough to knock him unconscious. She tightened her grip on his wrists, making sure he wouldn't get away.

"Who are you? Why are you following me?" she snarled, her foul mood particularly helping her pin down the man.

He tilted his head to the side showing his face to her. "Wait, Emma, it's me! It's Tristan!"

Her eyes narrowed. Something was not right here. There was something that was making her alarms go off. "What do you want?" she asked a little gently this time, but her grip didn't loosen.

"Can you let me go fir- AAAH!" he squealed in pain as she twisted his hand.

"Don't play games with me, Tristan. I'm not in a good mood today. So tell me, why are you following me?" she said, pushing him harder against the wall.

"I-I need to tell you something."

She narrowed her eyes at him once more in suspicion. "Why do you need to follow me around? You could have approached me."

"Killian."

Her eyes widened before she pushed him against the wall adding pressure. "Why can't you tell Killian?"

"I just can't..."

She twisted his hand once again stopping just before it snapped. "Tell me why I should listen to you."

"Because I know things - UGH!"

'You should be more specific than that!"

"I can't-"

She slammed him once again against the wall, feeling her heart flaring in anger she didn't know she had inside her.

"Rumpelstiltskin!" he finally shouted.

Emma froze.

"I-I know what happened to Killian."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me! I need to do that to keep the plot going and actually reach something.
> 
> So the usual. Reviews?


	17. Chapter 17

"Speak up."

"Well... I don't know how to say this..."

Emma grumbled in impatience. "I don't have all night."

"Why don't we start with putting me down?" Tristan said, holding his hands in the air in a sign of surrender.

"Well, why don't we start with, Who are _you?_ " she said shoving him up the wall and earning a grunt. Blood pounded in her ears as she felt the strong hit of alcohol running through her veins and she was as awake as ever. Her grip tightened, completely ignoring that she might crumple and destroy the buttons of his shirt.

_Swan..._

Then the voice boomed inside her head. Then the alcohol suddenly hit her again, making her world spin. Suddenly the tears started to sting her eyes because why was she hearing his voice? Why now? Her eyebrows furrowed as her vision aligned.

She loosened her grip on his shirt and gave him an extra push for making the alarms in her head go off. Running a hand through the curls of her hair, she closed her eyes and gave a long sigh. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him straighten up.

"Before I say anything, I want you to promise me something." he started, still a little breathless. "Don't hit me."

She laughed mockingly. Was he serious? "Speak."

He sighed in defeat and stood up straight to look her in the eye. "Killian's under a curse."

She grumbled impatiently. "I already figured that out."

Tristan tilted his head to the side with a ghost of a smile on his lips. To Emma, it almost seemed like he was relieved. "Well, there's nothing left to say then..."

"Except you." she said with a stare to pin him down. If she was right, then she was safe. He couldn't possibly have any magic because there wasn't any form of magic around them. And the only way he could have known Rumpelstiltskin was if he was from the Enchanted Forest. That meant he knew little about the world in which he stood on compared to her. That gave her a higher ground bit her safety wasn't secured. He was a man, after all.

He looked at her with a confused look. "What?"

That was it. She lunged forward and grabbed the front of his shirt, fisting them tight in her hands. She looked straight into his eyes in a glare that sent daggers and guns pointing at him. The slight tremble on his lips made her smirk inwardly. "I don't have all night." she said through gritted teeth as she pressed him against the concrete wall. There was a lot of things she had to do. _Like brooding at the corner of the bar with a strong drink_.

She shook the thought out of her head. "I know you come from the Enchanted Forest so tell me. Who are you?" she said lacing each word with the irritation and impatience he caused her.

His chuckle brought more anger to her as she pushed him harder onto the wall. "You wouldn't believe."

"Try me." she said in a challenge.

"Quasimodo."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "Quasimodo? As in Hunchback of the Notre Dame?"

"See. I told you." he said in a soft voice as his eyes shifted into sadness at the mention of his real name. He looked at his current state against the wall. "So, um, please?"

When she realized her mouth was hanging open in shock, she quickly regained her senses and let him go. "Don't do anything funny. I'm watching you."

He let out a sad laugh. "I'm not going to, don't worry."

She crossed her arms across her chest as he tried to iron his crumpled shirt with his hands, the eerie silence of the night falling between them while the muted bass from the club pounded by the door.

"Okay, this is not going to be easy." he sighed as he scratched his head.

"I was the one who put the curse on Killian."

Her fist flew straight to his cheek a second after the words left his mouth. He grunted as he stumbled backward, holding the wall for support. The anger pounded inside her again, but she remained standing and waiting, using all her strength from unleashing everything she had been through just because of that curse he put on Killian.

"Nice punch, considering I've had far worse." he complimented her with a joking voice that further paled her mood.

"Thanks." she spat out venomously.

"Yeah, I had no choice. The Dark One made me a deal I couldn't refuse. He sent me to this world with this." he gestured to his body. Emma understood he meant the not-hunchback version of himself. "I built that house with the gold he gave me so that Killian would be tempted to enter the house. He told me to look after Killian while his plan was unfolding. I was only to cast it when he gives me a signal. He did so I cast the curse. I had no choice..."

"Yes, you did." Emma said with a glare. "You could have ran away. Rumpelstiltskin wasn't anywhere near here. And there's no magic here, he couldn't possibly harm you."

"But he could harm Esmeralda." he said quickly with a look that rivaled hers.

She grew silent.

He shook his head. She could see the tears and the hurt in his eyes. "You're not the only one who lost someone."

"I know that." she replied.

"If there was one thing your Disney movies got right, it was that Claude Frollo is a bad man. He tried to harm my Esmeralda by casting a curse on her heart. It would cause her heart to slowly rot until her whole body would rot together with it." he sighed as he glanced at her. "No True Love's Kiss. She didn't love me anyway. There was no way I could save her and I had no choice but to call on the name of the Dark One."

"Esmeralda in exchange for a favor." she filled in for him, knowing the pattern of that deal.

He nodded with a sad look in his eyes. "If I didn't do it, he would take Esmeralda's life. I couldn't let that happen. I'd rather die than live a life knowing that my gem was gone forever."

She flicked her eyes to the ground as she calmed down from her emotional high. Guilt started to settle in her heart. Maybe she did act a little too much taking out everything on him. It was just that everything was so wrong. Nothing was right. Killian still didn't remember anything and it seemed like he didn't want to because he looked happy here. It hurt so much because she just realized how much...how much he meant to her.

She knew she would be broken if he left, but she never anticipated how broken she would be. The thought of him leaving made her sick to the core and everything around her paled. Knowing that she could lose him made her realize how he was a big part of her life. No one would bring her lunch. No one would keep her company on date nights. No one would ever truly understand her. Hold her and just say it was alright and not make her feel more alone.

 _No, she wouldn't be just_ broken. She would be shattered to pieces, pieces so fine she knew it would take tens and tens of years before her wounded fingers glued her scarred heart back together.

It scared her. So much. Because it could possibly happen and they were so close to that. So, so close.

"I'm sorry." she said, her voice steady and cold.

He chuckled bitterly. "Sorry isn't gonna change anything."

"It's for the punch." Shaking her head, she turned around facing the long corridor of the alley. Tears stung her eyes as images of deep blue eyes, jet black hair, playful smirks invaded her mind.

"You're not the only one who lost someone."

She walked away, her heels echoing in the narrow alley.

* * *

She was late for work.

It really wasn't her fault that she suddenly decided she would eat Pop Tarts everyday for breakfast. As she squeezed her Bug full of Pop tarts into her usual parking spot, she couldn't help but notice the pickup truck in front of her. With a shake of her head, she entered the bar from the back door, the sound of his voice floating to her ears.

She stopped momentarily before regaining her senses and heading straight for the bar. Of course, he would be there. They were working at the same place, after all. But she may or may not have been avoiding him when she decided to head out into the city early in the morning for a shopping spree which she doesn't usually do.

After his last set, she makes it an effort to take every customer she could serve. But it seemed fate was definitely not on her side because the bar customers seemed pretty satisfied when he came sauntering towards the bar. A few stolen glances told her that he was actually looking for her. When their eyes met, her heart beat fast in anxiety. She suddenly didn't feel ready to face him yet because the way his eyes and his lips smiled told her how much she already lost and losing.

"Emma! The usual, lass." he waved at her.

He was a customer after all. There was no way she could refuse especially when Rob was also behind the bar beside her. She had no choice but to force herself to act even if her stomach was churning. What was worse was that he talked to her about his day, about his mishaps, about everything like nothing happened.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, guys, no Captain Swan action this week, but there will be soon. If you guys have time, check out my new book 'Everything Has Changed' on Wattpad. My username is OreoandMint. It's loosely based on CS and after this, I might work on a CS version of that. Actually I've got another CS fanfic brewing in my mind. But those are for the future. I gotta finish this first right?
> 
> Reviews guys? :)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what guys? I'm really happy I still have you lovely readers following this series. I know it's not very fluffy and happy but very angst-y and plot heavy. That's why after this I promise I shall right something lighter. Actually I have the 1st chapter up now. It's called "I Would Love You If You Let Me". AU of course :)
> 
> Anyway, enjoy! (And I hope you won't hate me after this :X)

Her eyes were staring at the empty brown surface of the wooden dining table in the middle of the kitchen. She could see his shirt clad back from the corner of her eye, facing the stove as he made some pancakes for their afternoon snack.

It was still so surreal how they were actually living under one roof. How they were sleeping in the same house. How they were eating together. How they have their own spot on the couch as they threw popcorn at each other. How their toothbrushes were side by side in the same glass. The small things that seemed so real, yet so far from her reality and more of the fantasy that was so near to his reality.

She cocked her head to the side stretching her neck muscles and burying her head deeper into her arms. Suddenly, it was as if everything fell down on her. The weight of everything that had happened, everything that Killian went through, everything she was going through.

Somehow she pictured herself to be the strong woman who could get dirty and just do things. But it was just so hard when everything's just so wrong. First, he suddenly went missing and it was her fault because she was delusional. Then he didn't remember her. Not one bit. All their times together. All the things he did for her. All the things that he said. Everything was gone. What was worse was breaking this curse.

Looking at the easiness in his movements as he flipped the pancakes over, the small smile playing on his kips as he hum a tune, the certain twinkle in his eyes as they followed the brown patties of flour, she knew that breaking the curse meant taking all of these away from him. He was happy here with his new life, with his new hand. The real question was was he really happy? Well, he seemed to be so and she wasn't so sure anymore if she wanted to take that away from her.

He had been through a lot of things. She knew because he was just as broken as she was. And now that she was actually taking away that happiness just to get him for herself? It felt so wrong because what if he didn't become happy with her? What if True Love wasn't real?

A heavy sigh escaped from her lips.

It's been a roller coaster. Hell, that was an understatement. It had been so crazy and her mind was in a haze. So much darkness. So cold. So alone. She didn't know what to do anymore. It felt like nothing was happening. It felt like it she was going around in circles. One day, everything was fine and the next day something would come up.

Another sigh left her mouth.

"Hey, you alright?"

That voice. It made her heart churn as she looked up to look into those piercing blue eyes, her head still resting on the table. God, how could she ever not feel bare and naked under those eyes. Tears stung her eyes as her lip trembled slightly. Heaving a sigh, she looked straight into his eyes, searching, searching for something. Just something that would somehow make her feel _strong._ She was hoping that maybe, just maybe, it would be enough to knock her mind back into shape. But it really wasn't and she was so afraid because Emma Swan was starting to give up.

"Emma?" Worried was etched on his face as he sat across her, their leftover pancakes from breakfast between them.

Something pooled in her belly, making her want to puke. Brushing it off, she raised her hand in a thumbs up. "Fine." she mumbled. _No, I'm really not._

"Are you sure? You don't look so well."

 _Yes, of course I'm sure I'm not feeling well._ "Yeah, just a little headache, that's all."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Do you need anything? Medicine?"

And the worried look on his face wasn't helping when her mind was screaming out ' _He doesn't love you anymore. He likes someone else. He doesn't even remember you_.' It hit her square in the chest, the pain branching deep into her heart.

She shook her head and lifted herself off the table as he started to push her plate towards her.

"Hey! Don't go sick-y sick-y now! It's Tristan's birthday!"

She groaned in frustration.

"Come on, lass! Everyone's going to be there! Even Rob promised he would be there. I already called Tina, she would be there too."

It was like cold water was splashed on her face. Tina.

Who was she? Well, none other than the mystery girl in the flower shop. She gritted her teeth. Yes, they already went on a date. This night would be their second. She should be angry. She should be jealous. But she was tired.

So, so tired.

Like she could just go.

Stand up, walk away and go.

Go back home.

To her family. To...

"Fine, I'll go."

* * *

She met some of his other friends. A short guy named Tyler who strongly reminded her of Leroy with his loud gruff voice and height and a tall handsome guy named Cole who kept sending her looks the moment they met. In fact, he still does.

"So, what brings you here, Emma?" Cole asked.

Emma wanted to shake her head at the lustful gaze he sent her. Tristan went to get them drinks while Killian excused himself heading towards the door. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the door opening revealing the dark haired woman from the flower shop followed by Killian with a big smile plastered on his face. She immediately looked away and wished for Tristan to get here as soon as possible.

Turning her gaze back to Cole, she gave him a smirk. "I'm actually waiting for my boyfriend who had to work on something out of the city."

The stunned look on Cole was enough to send her back into her game before Killian introduced Tina to his friends. It gave her enough time to put on her mask and give Tina a friendly hug just as Tristan came back with their drinks. Finally. She took a big gulp, biting back the moan as the alcohol burned down her throat. She knew she should probably not get drunk to keep herself from doing something stupid, such as telling him everything. And not when Cole right here still stole glances of her and she's starting to feel her body humming at the attention.

An hour in, she was starting to see the effect of the alcohol on them. They were starting to get louder and louder, laughing at useless things. And to be honest, she was starting to get a bit out of place with their childish conversations since she was still on her second glass.

Suddenly the bar becomes full of people that Rob came over to their table asking her if she could help at the bar. She totally forgot that it was a Friday night. Sending look at the four drunken friends now laughing at something about the picture of Barbie on Tyler's phone, she knew she should really help Rob instead of staying with them where she was growing more anxious of being left out. Plus, Tina already left a few minutes ago, saying she had an emergency, but Emma knew she was just saving herself from the awkwardness of it all.

She agreed and started working behind the bar. The boys were too far in that they didn't even realize that she was gone. There was a silent moment at the bar for a minute and she went over to refill their drinks, making a special drink for Tristan.

"To Tristan for a rocking 31st birthday!" A drunken Killian held up his drink in the air followed by mumurs of his equally intoxicated friends.

"Dude, you're old!"

"No, I'm not!"

"Tick, tock. Tick, tock."

"Who're you? Captain Hook?"

She almost dropped the tray she was holding as she set the drinks on their table.

"Woah! Easy there, lass!"

Emma apologized sheepishly and immediately ran back to the bar where the people were starting to line up again.

That did not just happen. A pure coincidence while they were drunk. They were drunk, for God's sake. She didn't have to worry this much.

After that, she pretty much buried herself in her work, serving an endless amount of customers to keep her mind from drifting over to that table of four men laughing like crazy. It was after a very long night, just a few minutes past the closing time that she was able to get back to the four men who were now sprawled on their seats, clearly knocked out from the drinks they just had.

"What's this? A bachelor party?" Rob asked beside her as he moved the tables back to their places.

Emma chuckled. "Tell me about it."

The first man she went to call was the one nearest to her. Who was she kidding of course it would be Killian.

"Killian?"

He mumbled something incoherent under his breath as he lolled his head to the side.

"Hey..."

Suddenly his hand shot out pulling her onto his lap, nuzzling his nose against her neck. "What?" Her mouth hang open in shock at his actions. She tried to push herself out of his grasp but he just held her tighter, breathing out a sigh against her neck. She fought the shiver that was traveling down her spine to no avail. His hand started to travel up her arm, cupping her cheek as he opened his dark eyes. Her eyes widened as she tried to push his hand away, but he suddenly closed the distance between them.

God. How she missed him.

He moaned into her mouth as he moved his tongue. She shouldn't do this. He was completely drunk and clearly didn't know what he was doing. None of this was real, she told herself. But it was so good. She missed him so much. She missed this.

The next thing she knew her hands were at the back of his head, pressing him closer to her as she moved with him, savoring the sweet taste of his mouth. A moan left her lips as he bit down her bottom lip hard, sending sparks down south. She buckled her hips, another moan tumbled out of her swollen lips when his hard member pressed against her center. Then he pulled away, breathless, his tongue shot out to roll over his lower lip in a sensual way that seemed so familiar to her.

"Tina..."

She froze.

Everything went blank.

Tears stung her eyes.

Her make up was a mess.

She was trapped in his arms.

With strength she magically possessed, she was able to push his hands away. She pushed his back into his chair. Maybe Rob was calling her name as she ran out of the bar, but she couldn't hear anything. Not when blood was gushing to her ears. She almost stumbled on the floor as she ran, the tears blinding her, letting her feet bring her to wherever it brought her to.

Anywhere. Anywhere away from him. Away from all of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't kill me okay? This is kinda like the last straw for Emma. I mean she has been through a lot in this universe, right? Oh, I just hope you guys will also like the ending I have in mind :P
> 
> Anyway, reviews? :D


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm kinda behind schedule again, but guys! It's because I finished The 100 and I'm having major Bellarke feels!

The sun peaked through the curtains as she turned around to her side, suppressing a groan at her sore muscles. She brought the comforter around her shoulders, a yawn creeping out of her throat. For a moment, it seemed like it was a normal day back at home, in her bed.

Except it was anything but that.

An image of blue eyes and dark hair flashed before her eyes and she pushed the sheets away, forcing herself to focus on the harsh ray of sunlight lighting the dark room. Her eyes fell on the bottled water on the bedside table. With a moan, she closed her eyes at the cold liquid trailing down her dry throat. Then she quickly stood up and went into the bathroom.

She turned the knob and she flinched at cold water flowing down her hand. She waited until it started to turn warm before she stood under the shower. Soon her moans turned into hiss as steam rose from the shower room. She turned the knob to cold and it wasn't until she was shivering cold that she turned the water back to hot. For minutes, it was a play of hot and cold as she turned the knob back and forth.

When she got out of the bathroom, a wave of pride washed across her as she glanced at the time. Almost an hour and a half and not once did she think about...

 _Time to change clothes_ , a voice shouted inside her mind, the voice echoing in her ears as she immediately grabbed her clothes from yesterday. She took her time, laying all of her clothes on the bed to smooth out the creases which took quite a chunk of her time.

When noon came, she quickly got out of the hotel. Somehow in her drunken-like haze, her legs brought her to the nearest hotel on sight. Yeah, she managed to get herself into a hotel and spend almost all of her cash. Fortunately, the remaining cash would still be enough for two to three meals and she would get her paycheck from Rob within the week.

She clutched her purse as she walked down the busy streets of New York. She used to love big cities when she was a bail bonds person. It was a hassle sometimes because of course it would be hard to find one person in city as big as NY. But it also meant protection, an assurance that no one would find her. Not that anyone was actually looking for her at that time, but it was somehow a bonus that made her feel a little bit safer.  
She actually still did love big cities because even in the sea of people, she was alone. With all the people walking past her, she didn't feel alone. But she knew she was alone. Those were two different things.

She chose her meal carefully, trying to get the cheapest among her choices. After finishing her meal, she got up and started walking aimlessly, her mind floating around.

She had nowhere to go. She couldn't possible go back home. It wasn't hers but his place after all. And God knows that she wasn't ready to see his face, let alone hear his voice. She need some time alone. She needed to condition herself, to pick up the broken pieces of her heart and put it back again.

No, she wasn't going to give up on him, she realized. She wasn't going to give up on herself, on him, on _them_. All her life she had been trying to give herself hope. She was satisfied with the lowest as long as it was enough to help her. She didn't have the newest clothes then but she was happy with an old pair of jeans and T-shirt. She didn't have a proper meal then but she was happy with the bread she managed to steal. Because that time all she needed was to live.

Then Henry came and her parents came and Storybrooke. It was home. But even when she was home, she had to give. She had to serve. She had to do things for the sake of others and not herself. She was the Savior after all. She didn't have time to take care of herself when she could give her time trying to save others. She had to because her son believed in her.

And _he_ came. Yes, she still had to give herself to others, but it felt different when there was someone else giving himself to you. He gave her a sense of companionship only someone who understood her could give. It was something not even her parents or her son would give. For once, she had someone who's only focus was to keep her alive.

So she was going to fight. After all that she had done, she actually deserved it, right? After all those years of having the least, it was only fitting that she finally had a taste of the best, right? Because, yes, he was one of the best things that ever happened to her. She wasn't ready to say that aloud, but she also couldn't deny it. She... She loved him.

Her hands clenched into fists as she suddenly stopped, people behind her grumbling as they bumped into her. Tears stung her eyes because God help her, even though she knew she loved him, she needed time. She needed space to think this through. It hurt her so much because he was right in front of her. And every time she tried, it felt like he moved farther away.

Maybe that was what she should do. Go to Rob and tell him that she was going on a leave for a few days. Let herself clear her mind. She looked at her watch. It was barely 3:00. Rob should be at the bar and she was certain she would only see him and no one else. She quickly made her way to the subway station as fast as she could.

When she got to the bar, Rob was standing behind the bar, wiping glasses and mugs with a smile on his face. But her eyes couldn't help but drift to the man sitting on the bar chatting with Rob.

No. She should go back out.

"Emma! What are you doing here?"

It was too late.

His head whipped to her and for a moment she saw something in his blue eyes, something close to guilt. She swallowed thickly as she shifted her weight uncomfortably to her other feet. She really didn't know because she quickly looked at Rob with a smile.

"Well, something came up, Rob. And I kinda need some time." she said, surprised that her voice sounded calm even with the blue eyes burning holes into her head.

A worried look flashed across Rob's face. "Is everything alright?"

She forced her a small smile as her stomach dipped. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see him, jaws clenched, eyes downcast, hands curling and uncurling. "Yeah, nothing I can't handle."

Rob nodded. "Okay. Business has been pretty slow these days."

A wave of relief washed over her. "Thanks." But anxiety settled on her just as fast because she was leaving. She was leaving and he immediately finished his drink in one go. She knew what he was going to do and there was absolutely nothing she could do.

But she wasn't ready.

She needed time.

She groaned inwardly.

"Bye, Rob." She spun on her heels and walked out of the bar, walking as fast as she could. She didn't stop, she didn't look back. Until a hands closed around her wrist and pulled her back. She stumbled backwards and she would have fell if it wasn't for the hand that latched on her arm tight.

She tugged on his grip, praying that he let go because there were tears in her eyes. They didn't even start yet and she just couldn't hold it in anymore. Not when he was right in front of her with those eyes filled with worry begging for her to stop.

"Emma..."

"Let go!" she hissed at him.

He shook his head and dragged her back to the bar. She tried to pull her hand away but he held her tight. He led her to the back of the bar where her Bug was parked. She almost forgot about her car. Her attention drifted back to him as he stood in front of her. Her stomach fell. This was it.

"What do you want, Killian?" she spat at him venomously as her anxiety started to rise into anger.

"Emma...I-I'm sorry, I-" he replied, his voice sounded like a scared whisper.

But somehow it made her blood boil. "Don't you have to say that to Tina?"

He flinched at the mention of the woman he was dating. It was low of her to say that, but it wasn't like he was the only one hurting. It hurt her more.

"I can't... I didn't mean to hurt her. I didn't want to hurt her." His eyebrows furrowed as his voice shook with guilt.

She glared at him. "Well, you already did."

She fished into her purse for her car keys as she made her way to her Bug. She needed time alone. This had to cool down before she could continue this _thing._ She was just about to unlock her car when his hand fell on her shoulder, turning her around to face him.

"Emma, don't go..."

She frowned at him as anger snapped inside her. "What? How dare you?"

A troubled look flashed across his face as he shook his head, a tear escaping his eye. "Just...please! Don't go!"

"Why?"

He gave her an alarmed look. Then he shook his head as he buried his face in his hands. It made her heart ache. For a moment, she wanted to just pull him into her arms and pretend for a while hat this didn't happen. But she really couldn't. Tears stung her eyes as seconds tick by and he gave her no answer. She needed to go, she thought. She quickly turned around and held her keys, trying to steady her hand as she inserted the key into the keyhole.

"Emma..."

"Shut up, Killian!" she shouted, her voice cracking as the tears finally fell down her face.

Then he groaned out in frustration. "I don't know, okay!?"

She shook her head and focused more on slipping her key inside. A shaky sigh left her lips when she finally managed to unlock her car, opening the door.

"I hear a voice!"

She stopped in confusion. A voice? What has that got to do with anything?

His voice was shaky as he shifted behind her. "I hear a voice in my head every night. It sounds like mine. But it doesn't seem like mine. It felt like a memory and he keeps on telling me that there's something I'm missing. He keeps on telling me that someone's missing."

Her body went rigid as her anger dissipated. She continued to listen.

"Look, I know I made a mistake. I-I...Somehow I knew you would go so I went to Rob. I knew you would go and the voice told me not to let you go. And it felt real. So real that I had to follow it for once."

Her chest ached, the tears were streaming down her cheeks as she clenched her jaw tight, as she shut her eyes tight.

He let out a sad laugh. "I know I sound crazy. Sometimes I actually wonder if I need to go see the doctor-"

She turned back around and threw her arms around him, burying her nose into his neck. God, she missed him. So much. Too much. She knew that voice. There could only be one voice inside that beautiful head of his. _Her_ Killian. It meant her Killian was still alive. It meant she had a chance. It meant hope. A smile graced her lips as she hugged him tight.

Suddenly it felt like everything that she had been through in this journey was forgotten. It felt like she could let all of those pain go and hold on to one thing.

Hope.

Because she could finally see that she had a chance to get him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some hope, eh?
> 
> Okay, Bellarke feels! I am absolutely in love with them and more so when they're so much like CS. While I'm watching I was actually making up a OUAT/the 100 crossover. Do you guys think I should write one? :D


	20. Chapter 20

Things had been pretty awkward the night before. There had been lots of stolen glances, and curt nods. Awkward shuffling and nervous smiles. It was when she finally got into the confines of her room did she realize just how thick the tension in the room was.

And of course, there was no reason for that to change now.

She woke up to the sound of silence. An uncomfortable one that made her chest heavy. Usually, it would be the smell of pancakes or bacon floating in the air. But now all she got was the uneasy heaviness and almost a pale shade of the bright morning.

Looking at the clock beside her bed, she gave out a sigh. That explained everything. It was pretty early. Almost an hour before her usual wake up time. Normally, she would grumble and go back to sleep but not today. Not when anxiety was disturbing her.

She needed a cup of hot cocoa with cinnamon, she decided. She needed hot cocoa to calm herself even for just a little while, to put all those things aside and just enjoy a warm cup alone.

But when she got out of her room, she was faced with a Killian Jones looking a bit dark, his face pale, his eyes staring off into the void.

Turned out she wasn't going to be alone.

It may have been a couple of minutes before he realized that she was standing there staring at him, her mind elsewhere. He shook his head and the motion snapped Emma back to reality as she slowly shuffled towards the cupboard.

"Good morning." he said, his voice soft with an air of uncertainty.

"Good morning." she replied with pursed lips as she reached up for her mug.

The silence stretched between them as she made her hot cocoa. But she could feel his eyes on her every now and then because she also stole glances at him. When she sat across him, he peered at her under his lashes as she tried so hard not to meet his gaze.

It was both relief and anxiety that settled in her heart when he finally broke the silence. He was staring at his mug when he suddenly snapped his head towards her. "Who am I?"

She almost choked on her drink at the suddeness of his question. She blinked back the tears as she cleared her throat. She expected it to be something like an apology or an explanation, possible an awkward greeting. Just not that.

"Are you okay? Do you need water?" he asked the worry and guilt in his voice.

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. So about your question, well, it's a bit more complicated than that."

He made a face at her. Almost like a pout.

"It's something that's too much for one sitting. Believe me, been there, done that. It's not easy."

He just nodded and the uneasy silence returned. They both silently finished their drinks, the tension slowly rising again. She winced when she drank that last bit a little too fast. And she may have slammed her mug a little on the table. She blamed her shaking hands for that.

"What are you thinking?" he asked her with a curious eye.

She tilted her head to the side, sensing the distress in his voice. Apparently,it seemed like he was way more edgy about whatever that was going on between them. "What are _you_ thinking?"

He shook his head and breathed out a sigh. "Well, I was wondering about you."

Her eyes widened a little in surprise, but she just waited for his next words.

"If you knew who I was, am or whatever, then I must know you too. How come I don't know you?"

She licked her lips as she tried to make things simple. It was really anything but simple. "Look if I told you now, it wouldn't make sense. You'll think I'm crazy."

His shoulders visibly slumped in defeat, his brows furrowed as he burned holes onto the table. She wondered what was going through his head. Maybe he was already considering that she was a psycho. She didn't know and what was more frustrating was that she didn't know what to do.

Well, maybe it was time to address the pirate in the room.

"Hey, remember the voice in your head? What is he telling you now?" she asked softly.

His frown deepened, his face grew dark. It seemed like he was fighting an internal battle. Then as if he found it, he suddenly looked up at her.

"He's telling me to trust you."

"Do you?"

The question stood between them, echoing in the silence growing around them. His wide eyes remained surprised and they were so blue. They looked so blue. So blue her chest tightened and for a moment, everything flashed back. All the times they'd been together. All the times he tried to make her smile. All the times he succeeded. Neverland. Storybrooke. All the times when the Lost Girl and the Lost Boy was finally home in each other.

Here they were. So close yet so far. Then again so, so near to everything they had ever wanted. The bittersweet feeling settled in her chest and it made her want to cry and to smile at the same time.

"Do you trust me?" she asked again.

His eyes flickered to look into hers. Shivers went down her spine as his gaze bore into her soul. Searching. Digging. Looking for something that she didn't even now. But even at the peak of the moment, she still couldn't bring herself to lay herself bare in front of anyone. Not yet. Not even now when he was silently asking for something from her.

Her Killian would know. Her Killian would understand. And deep down there, she knew her Killian was there. Shouting. Pounding. Screaming at himself. All she could do now was hope. Hope that somehow he would be able to find the real Killian Jones in there.

She waited. And waited. And waited. She still held his gaze, but she could feel her heart start to waver in fear. Fear that she was wrong. That maybe, just maybe, she was wrong to believe that she could get him back.

 _No_.

She should stay. Her grip on her mug tightened until her knuckles became white. Tears started to sting her eyes lightly. But no. She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't going to give up. It was now or never.

"Do you trust me?"

His face finally shifted. Something flashed across his face then it disappeared quickly. Blood started to gush to her ears as she counted her breaths. Waiting. Still waiting.

Then his eyes suddenly lit up. Pale blue orbs lighting up to the azure eyes she'd grown to love. A ghost of a smile sat on his lips as he opened his mouth.

"I think I do."

A small smile crept to her lips. He mirrored hers and his eyes twinkled like they used to when he looked at the sea. The feeling inside her slowly bubbled up her chest, building up levels of joy and hope and love. Then a huge grin painted his face and she found herself having the same smile on her face.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow! I can't believe I got this to 20 chapters already. I actually miss writing multi-chapter fanfics. They can be very tiring, but very fun too.
> 
> Plus, you guys are just plain amazing! Thank you for sticking with me through this fic. Thank you for your reviews and votes and follows.
> 
> You may be thinking, Is this fic ending? OMG!
> 
> Maybe...
> 
> Maybe not. :)
> 
> Anyway, yey! They're going on a trip! To where? Guess! (Pretty sure you're all gonna get it right)
> 
> And don't forget to review, review, review! :D


	21. Chapter 21

"Are you kidding me?"

Emma shook her head at the frown he was giving her as she focused her eyes back on the road. _And you wanted me to tell you everything in one go_ , she silently thought. She just waited until it fully sank into him and maybe it would be enough to stir a bit of the man inside of him.

Almost an hour into their trip, he had asked about himself. About the real him. She had hesitated with telling him every single detail, but the look he had given her was one that meant there was still something that hadn't changed. She was still an open book to him. So she told him everything and now he was looking at her like she was mad.

Which was completely normal.

"What are you trying to tell me? That I'm a legit pirate?"

She nodded. "Absolutely everything. No lies. Just as promised."

"But Captain Hook? The one with the funny mustache and perms?"

She tried hard not to laugh at the tone of his voice. Serious and confused at the same time. She just nodded again. "The one and only."

"I don't know if I should be insulted or proud." he said with his eyebrow raised in confusion.

She just chuckled, but kept her mouth shut when his frown deepened. His eyebrows furrowed as he looked at his left hand. A few minutes passed as she busied herself with driving and he tried to fathom whatever she had told him.

She sat there thinking about something to say. Something to help him with everything. Something to help with the impact of the news. What was she going to say? _'At least you can finally see your ship.'_ Or maybe, _'Hey, at least you still have your other hand with you?'_ She mentally shook her head. Nope.

When she heard a low grumbling sound in the silence of the car, a wave of relief washed over her. For once, she was happy about being hungry.

They were able to find a diner along the way. It was small but who cared anyway? They went inside and a grumpy looking lady handed them menus with a stiff smile.

"I'm gonna have a burger." he said to the lady with a polite smile.

"I'll have the same."

When the lady left, the smile on his face immediately slipped into a small frown on his face. She could tell he was trying not to show it, but he was an open book to her just as she was to him. His jaws clenched tight, his fingers tapping on the table. He looked like he was itching to reach up and scratch behind his ear.

"What is it?"

"Nothing." He looked at her with feigned innocence but her eyes went past that.

She just sighed and gave him a knowing look before taking dipping a piece of french fries in ketchup. Avoiding his gaze, she took a sip of her drink and started to get her hands into the burger.

"Okay, fine."

She snapped her head towards him in attention. He quickly averted his gaze to his hands clasped in front of him on the table. "It's just that the place looks familiar. It's like I've been here before."

Her eyes widened. Something exploded inside of her as the hair on the back of her neck stood up. She tried to control the big smile stretching her lips. "That's good, right?"

He tilted his head in hesitation. "I guess?"

They just continued to eat their burgers in silence. Inside, Emma was feeling good because of course, she was one step closer to getting him back. But the furrowed eyebrows and small frown on his face made her feel anxious.

For a moment, it looked like he was alarmed with what was happening. And the next, it looked like he was curious, curious to find out about everything. She knew how it felt and she understood that he needed time and space to think about it.

That was good. Maybe.

"What about us?"

She froze at the question. For some reason, her stomach dipped. She didn't know why. Perhaps it was because she wasn't sure what they really were. It wasn't like they were in a boyfriend-girlfriend kind of a relationship. They weren't just friends either. Once or twice Henry used the word 'soulmate'. Were they? It sounded absurd but hey, True Love wasn't any different.

"I don't know."

He frowned at her. "What do you mean?"

She looked at her hands. "I-I don't...I can't."

His frown deepened as he pushed his plate to rest his arms on the table. "What do you mean you can't?"

She just sat there as she tried to find the courage to say the words properly.

"You promised me!" he said, a hint of frustration and anger in his voice. "You promised me the truth!"

Her eyes widened at his sudden reaction. She could see the way his jaw clenched, the way his lips pursed, the way his eyebrows furrowed. What should she do? What should she do when he was demanding for an answer to a question she herself didn't dare to answer?

It may have been a few good minutes before he finally decided that she wasn't going to speak up.

"Gods, Emma!" He ran his hand through his hair. "It's such a simple question."

"Are we together?" he asked.

"I-I don't know."

He sighed as he shook his head. She could see him more annoyed.

She fidgeted under his gaze. Something in his tone made her feel uneasy. Then he asked it.

"Do you love me?"

Her eyebrows furrowed in frustration. Frustration at him for asking that question. Frustration at herself for not being able to say it. She knew she felt it. But she also knew she still wasn't ready to say it.

Her Killian would know that, but this wasn't her Killian. He wouldn't understand how she felt and what she had been through. He wouldn't just smile and nod in a way that told her it was okay, that he would wait. He wouldn't pull her into his arms and smooth out the lines on her furrowed eyebrows. He wouldn't say something silly and make her giggle until it all went away.

This Killian was different.

"I can't."

He grumbled in frustration as he stood up and walked out of the diner. Panic rose in her. Leaving a some bills she didn't bother looking at, she followed him out to the door.

"Killian! Killian!"

He was halfway to her Bug across the large parking beside the diner. She ran, trying to catch up to him.

"Wait!"

She was sure he heard her with the volume of her voice. But he just ignored her and continued to walk on. Her stomach fell in panic and anxiety.

"Killian!"

"Killian!"

She stopped as the tears blurred her vision. The feeling in her chest brought more tears to her eyes, streaming down her cheeks. She was so close. Too close. He couldn't possibly just walk away.

"What do you want me to say?" she shouted at the top of her lungs.

He suddenly turned around and faced her, his nostrils flaring. And for a moment, he looked tired. So tired.

"Everything!"

"I did!"

"No, you didn't!" he bellowed in anger. The intensity of his voice surprising her.

"I know you left some parts out. I know you've hidden everything between us. I just want to know! That's all I want! The voice in my head has been bothering me too much. Do you know how many times I tried to say something stupid just to make you laugh? Do you know how many times I wanted to just see you? To hold you?"

She fell silent.

"You know what? I don't know either! I was alright, okay? I have a job. I have friends. I have someone who I care for. And you just come into my life and I suddenly wanted you to be mine! I don't even know you! Now you're even trying to tell me that I'm some fictional character from Neverland! And the worst part?"

Her mouth was hanging open as she took in everything that left his mouth.

"The worst part is that I trusted you."

With that, he turned around and made his way into her Bug, leaving her speechless in the middle of nowhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Killian is just letting out some steam. He's most probably just confused right?
> 
> Muse: *shakes head*
> 
> Me: WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?
> 
> Muse: *smiles slyly*
> 
> I'm sorry if I was late! I promise that I'll really try to update on time! Please tell me what you think! Review guys! You have no idea how happy it makes me when I see your comments :3


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